Nicola here, musing on what makes a gentleman. Class has always been a hot topic in English society and I’m wondering a little at my audacity – or even foolishness – in dipping a toe in the waters of it here. When did the “gentry” first emerge as a social class? Was belonging to the gentry synonymous with being a “gentleman”? What did the term mean in the Georgian and Regency period and what makes a gentleman these days? These are big questions but perhaps we can look at a few elements of them.
In 1583 Sir Thomas Smith wrote: “One who can live idly and without manual labour
and will bear the port (deportment) and countenance of a gentleman, he shall be taken for a gentleman.” The luxury goods and extravagant clothing of late 16th and 17th century London were an avenue to social mobility. Sumptuary legislation – the laws that governed the types of clothes that the different social classes were entitled to wear – had lapsed and a consumer revolution was taking over. A man could pose as a gentleman even if he did not have the birth for it.
Eighty years after Smith was writing, the diarist John Evelyn also complained: “How many times have I saluted the fine man for the master, and stood with my hat off to the gay feather, when I found the bird to be all this while but a daw.” In other words, in the 17th century smart clothes and an appearance of wealth made the gentleman. Or perhaps gave the appearance of a gentleman. But people still believed that there should be more to it than that and looked down on those men whose birth was not equal to their appearance.
Sir William Craven (pictured in his mayoral regalia) was one such man who made good at the turn of the 17th century. He was the son of an agricultural worker from Yorkshire who was apprenticed into the cloth trade in London. He worked hard, built up his business, married well, acted as moneylender to the court of Elizabeth I, bought himself a knighthood from James I, and was Lord Mayor of London. You can read more about his dizzying rise to social prominence here. By the time of his death he had amassed a fortune of billions in today’s terms and had moved firmly from the lower labouring classes to the upper echelons of the Middle Class. His sons were both given titles and moved into the aristocracy. Phenomenal social mobility and all through the acquisition of a fortune! But did this make them gentlemen or is the definition of such a term more nebulous? Certainly they were mocked at court for being nouveau riche and the sons of a cloth merchant. Perhaps there was some jealousy in the comments.
The original dictionary definition of the word gentleman was strict. It referred to a gentleman as a well-educated man of good family. It was also used to refer to a man whose income derived from property as opposed to a man who worked for a living (and again it is interesting that as soon as Sir William Craven had made his pile, he started to invest in land.) It appears that it was only in the eighteenth century that the term came also to mean a man who was cultured, courteous and well educated, with a code of honour and high standards of proper behaviour.
By the time of Jane Austen, the gentleman had come to be defined by his personal qualities as much as 
by his status as a member of the landed gentry. He was not a member of the nobility but was an “esquire” at the top of the pile of untitled landowners. Class distinctions were well defined: At the top the peerage, then the baronetage, then knights and below them the gentry. Jane Austen emphasises beautifully the superiority of Sir Walter Elliot, for example, as a hereditary baronet, over Lady Russell, the widow of a mere knight! A gentleman such as Mr Darcy, untitled but well-connected, with a beautiful house and a very good income, was sitting at the top of the gentry and was indisputably a gentleman in all particulars.
Further down the social scale was the “lesser gentry” constituting those in the military, attornies, doctors, clerics; the professional elite. This was not as straightforward as it seemed, since some gentlemen in the military and the church might be the younger sons of noble families. But these professions also offered opportunities for fortune and social advancement. The wealthiest of merchants and manufacturers were at the bottom of this “gentry pile”. As a group the gentry described themselves as genteel, polite and civil. They did not pretend to be members of “the Quality” although a connection to the Ton was highly prized. There was in fact a profound cultural gulf separating the lesser gentry from the landed aristocracy.
It is the gentleman of the Georgian period who was the precursor to the gentleman of the Victorian period in that he established a code of conduct based on the three Rs: Restraint, Refinement and Religion. During the reign of George III, the British began, through their reserve and emotional control, to distinguish themselves from the peoples of southern Europe whom they considered to have a more hot-headed temperament. This is where the move to define the gentleman by his manners rather than his birth or fortune began. There is a very great deal more to the emergence of the English Gentleman than this of course – a whole separate blog post on the gentleman in the Georgian and the Regency period.
By 1897 when Mrs Humphrey published her book “Manners for Men” the concept of the gentleman was still being hotly debated. She wrote: “ Gentleness and moral strength combined must be the salient characteristics of the gentleman, together with that polish that is acquired… through the influence of education and refinement. He must be thoughtful for others, kind to women and children and all helpless things… but never foolishly weak. There are few such men but they do exist. Reliable as rocks, judicious in every action, dependable… full of mercy and kindness.” A total paragon, in fact. Her comments on the “ill-bred young man,” the reverse of the gentleman, are very funny. He is unkempt in his personal appearance, is so untidy that he creates extra work for the maids, is late for meals and is irritable and rude. Those who use strong language in front of ladies are held up for particular criticism.
Mrs Humphrey then issues some extremely helpful instructions to those aspiring to be a gentleman. It is important for a gentleman to walk on the outside of a lady on the pavement so that he gets splashed by the traffic (and the contents of chamber pots raining down) and she does not. I remember that my grandfather, another self-made gentleman, was a stickler for this although the habit has somewhat died out now along with close encounters with chamber pots. The gentleman, of course, always offers his seat to a lady. Interestingly I noted that a lady should never ask for a seat; this is not ladylike (and that's another blog post – what makes a lady?). All Mrs Humphrey’s advice relates to manners and behaviour, the implication being that even a man without good birth or fortune can become a gentleman. In fact she notes that if he comes from a poor home and still turns out well that is even more laudable.
So in our modern age, do you think it is still important for a man to be a gentleman? What do you think 
are the qualities we look for in a gentleman? Who is your favourite gentleman, real or fictional? I’m offering a copy of Unmasked, which features not one but two gentlemen heroes, to one commenter.
Hi Nicola! Great post. I think today it’s more important then ever for a man to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, thanks to my experiences dating over the last few years, I fear that all the good ones have been snatched up.
Consider this, I last year I’d dated a guy who was severely lacking in the gentlemanly arts. One night, early in our dating life, we walked out to my car (I was giving him a ride to his car) to find it snow covered. He said, “wow look at all that snow.” Imagine my surprise after starting my car and retrieving my snow brush, I found him seated inside, seat belt on. I dumped him a week later when, after going to a late-night movie, he left me to walk to my car alone.
One more…. after an abysmal (really, worst ever … the guy, who I met at a young professionals gathering told me that he lived in his car because his business hadn’t turned a profit in months) first date, the guy shoved the check in my direction. I, after managing not to gape, calmly put money to cover my have of the lunch. We never went out again.
So, yes. I believe men should act like gentlemen (goes both ways, though, women should act like ladies). Little things like common courtesy (at least *standing* next to your date while she cleans off her car), would go a long way to securing the next date:)
And, if anyone notices a gentleman running around Pennsylvania (or next week at RWA … ha,ha), be sure to send him my way!
Hi Nicola! Great post. I think today it’s more important then ever for a man to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, thanks to my experiences dating over the last few years, I fear that all the good ones have been snatched up.
Consider this, I last year I’d dated a guy who was severely lacking in the gentlemanly arts. One night, early in our dating life, we walked out to my car (I was giving him a ride to his car) to find it snow covered. He said, “wow look at all that snow.” Imagine my surprise after starting my car and retrieving my snow brush, I found him seated inside, seat belt on. I dumped him a week later when, after going to a late-night movie, he left me to walk to my car alone.
One more…. after an abysmal (really, worst ever … the guy, who I met at a young professionals gathering told me that he lived in his car because his business hadn’t turned a profit in months) first date, the guy shoved the check in my direction. I, after managing not to gape, calmly put money to cover my have of the lunch. We never went out again.
So, yes. I believe men should act like gentlemen (goes both ways, though, women should act like ladies). Little things like common courtesy (at least *standing* next to your date while she cleans off her car), would go a long way to securing the next date:)
And, if anyone notices a gentleman running around Pennsylvania (or next week at RWA … ha,ha), be sure to send him my way!
Hi Nicola! Great post. I think today it’s more important then ever for a man to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, thanks to my experiences dating over the last few years, I fear that all the good ones have been snatched up.
Consider this, I last year I’d dated a guy who was severely lacking in the gentlemanly arts. One night, early in our dating life, we walked out to my car (I was giving him a ride to his car) to find it snow covered. He said, “wow look at all that snow.” Imagine my surprise after starting my car and retrieving my snow brush, I found him seated inside, seat belt on. I dumped him a week later when, after going to a late-night movie, he left me to walk to my car alone.
One more…. after an abysmal (really, worst ever … the guy, who I met at a young professionals gathering told me that he lived in his car because his business hadn’t turned a profit in months) first date, the guy shoved the check in my direction. I, after managing not to gape, calmly put money to cover my have of the lunch. We never went out again.
So, yes. I believe men should act like gentlemen (goes both ways, though, women should act like ladies). Little things like common courtesy (at least *standing* next to your date while she cleans off her car), would go a long way to securing the next date:)
And, if anyone notices a gentleman running around Pennsylvania (or next week at RWA … ha,ha), be sure to send him my way!
Hi Nicola! Great post. I think today it’s more important then ever for a man to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, thanks to my experiences dating over the last few years, I fear that all the good ones have been snatched up.
Consider this, I last year I’d dated a guy who was severely lacking in the gentlemanly arts. One night, early in our dating life, we walked out to my car (I was giving him a ride to his car) to find it snow covered. He said, “wow look at all that snow.” Imagine my surprise after starting my car and retrieving my snow brush, I found him seated inside, seat belt on. I dumped him a week later when, after going to a late-night movie, he left me to walk to my car alone.
One more…. after an abysmal (really, worst ever … the guy, who I met at a young professionals gathering told me that he lived in his car because his business hadn’t turned a profit in months) first date, the guy shoved the check in my direction. I, after managing not to gape, calmly put money to cover my have of the lunch. We never went out again.
So, yes. I believe men should act like gentlemen (goes both ways, though, women should act like ladies). Little things like common courtesy (at least *standing* next to your date while she cleans off her car), would go a long way to securing the next date:)
And, if anyone notices a gentleman running around Pennsylvania (or next week at RWA … ha,ha), be sure to send him my way!
Hi Nicola! Great post. I think today it’s more important then ever for a man to be a gentleman. Unfortunately, thanks to my experiences dating over the last few years, I fear that all the good ones have been snatched up.
Consider this, I last year I’d dated a guy who was severely lacking in the gentlemanly arts. One night, early in our dating life, we walked out to my car (I was giving him a ride to his car) to find it snow covered. He said, “wow look at all that snow.” Imagine my surprise after starting my car and retrieving my snow brush, I found him seated inside, seat belt on. I dumped him a week later when, after going to a late-night movie, he left me to walk to my car alone.
One more…. after an abysmal (really, worst ever … the guy, who I met at a young professionals gathering told me that he lived in his car because his business hadn’t turned a profit in months) first date, the guy shoved the check in my direction. I, after managing not to gape, calmly put money to cover my have of the lunch. We never went out again.
So, yes. I believe men should act like gentlemen (goes both ways, though, women should act like ladies). Little things like common courtesy (at least *standing* next to your date while she cleans off her car), would go a long way to securing the next date:)
And, if anyone notices a gentleman running around Pennsylvania (or next week at RWA … ha,ha), be sure to send him my way!
That is really interesting, Nicola. My great great grandfather,a Scot, is described as a gentleman on his son’s wedding certificate. I don’t know what happened that I ended up poor!
That is really interesting, Nicola. My great great grandfather,a Scot, is described as a gentleman on his son’s wedding certificate. I don’t know what happened that I ended up poor!
That is really interesting, Nicola. My great great grandfather,a Scot, is described as a gentleman on his son’s wedding certificate. I don’t know what happened that I ended up poor!
That is really interesting, Nicola. My great great grandfather,a Scot, is described as a gentleman on his son’s wedding certificate. I don’t know what happened that I ended up poor!
That is really interesting, Nicola. My great great grandfather,a Scot, is described as a gentleman on his son’s wedding certificate. I don’t know what happened that I ended up poor!
It’s my belief that a good heart defines a gentleman. W/o, a man, no matter how educated, well dressed, or wealthy, lacks the essential component. More important every day but can’t think of an easily agreed upon example.
It’s my belief that a good heart defines a gentleman. W/o, a man, no matter how educated, well dressed, or wealthy, lacks the essential component. More important every day but can’t think of an easily agreed upon example.
It’s my belief that a good heart defines a gentleman. W/o, a man, no matter how educated, well dressed, or wealthy, lacks the essential component. More important every day but can’t think of an easily agreed upon example.
It’s my belief that a good heart defines a gentleman. W/o, a man, no matter how educated, well dressed, or wealthy, lacks the essential component. More important every day but can’t think of an easily agreed upon example.
It’s my belief that a good heart defines a gentleman. W/o, a man, no matter how educated, well dressed, or wealthy, lacks the essential component. More important every day but can’t think of an easily agreed upon example.
I think a true gentleman is one who has manners and everyday kindnesses that are first rate. My husband, even when dressed in jeans and t-shirt, still opens doors for me and allows me to be seated first when we go to a restaurant, etc. When we lived in an apartment with no garage, my husband would often leave for work before me and I would go out to my car to find the snow brushed off the windshield. He can no longer shovel snow off the drive since his heart attack, but I know he would do it if he I let him—and I won’t!
I think a true gentleman is one who has manners and everyday kindnesses that are first rate. My husband, even when dressed in jeans and t-shirt, still opens doors for me and allows me to be seated first when we go to a restaurant, etc. When we lived in an apartment with no garage, my husband would often leave for work before me and I would go out to my car to find the snow brushed off the windshield. He can no longer shovel snow off the drive since his heart attack, but I know he would do it if he I let him—and I won’t!
I think a true gentleman is one who has manners and everyday kindnesses that are first rate. My husband, even when dressed in jeans and t-shirt, still opens doors for me and allows me to be seated first when we go to a restaurant, etc. When we lived in an apartment with no garage, my husband would often leave for work before me and I would go out to my car to find the snow brushed off the windshield. He can no longer shovel snow off the drive since his heart attack, but I know he would do it if he I let him—and I won’t!
I think a true gentleman is one who has manners and everyday kindnesses that are first rate. My husband, even when dressed in jeans and t-shirt, still opens doors for me and allows me to be seated first when we go to a restaurant, etc. When we lived in an apartment with no garage, my husband would often leave for work before me and I would go out to my car to find the snow brushed off the windshield. He can no longer shovel snow off the drive since his heart attack, but I know he would do it if he I let him—and I won’t!
I think a true gentleman is one who has manners and everyday kindnesses that are first rate. My husband, even when dressed in jeans and t-shirt, still opens doors for me and allows me to be seated first when we go to a restaurant, etc. When we lived in an apartment with no garage, my husband would often leave for work before me and I would go out to my car to find the snow brushed off the windshield. He can no longer shovel snow off the drive since his heart attack, but I know he would do it if he I let him—and I won’t!
I like a decent man. On top of it, I like a self-made man. I like men who’ve had a hard time and still make something of themselves, and who remain honorable in in the process. His behavior reflects his experience. He’s kind, considerate, etc, but with an edge. He also doesn’t suffer fools, or allow the strong to hurt the weak.
I have no use for powerful, titled scum who’ve had the world handed to them on a platter and who use their power to abuse others. And I positively detest so-called bad boys. A bad boy will never change, and I can’t believe a book that tells me he will, although I hear some women love books with “bad boy heroes”. I think the term is an oxymoron.
The latest book I’ve read with decent men heroes is JUST ONE SEASON IN LONDON by Leigh Michaels. Not one, but three, decent men heroes. My type of book.
I like a decent man. On top of it, I like a self-made man. I like men who’ve had a hard time and still make something of themselves, and who remain honorable in in the process. His behavior reflects his experience. He’s kind, considerate, etc, but with an edge. He also doesn’t suffer fools, or allow the strong to hurt the weak.
I have no use for powerful, titled scum who’ve had the world handed to them on a platter and who use their power to abuse others. And I positively detest so-called bad boys. A bad boy will never change, and I can’t believe a book that tells me he will, although I hear some women love books with “bad boy heroes”. I think the term is an oxymoron.
The latest book I’ve read with decent men heroes is JUST ONE SEASON IN LONDON by Leigh Michaels. Not one, but three, decent men heroes. My type of book.
I like a decent man. On top of it, I like a self-made man. I like men who’ve had a hard time and still make something of themselves, and who remain honorable in in the process. His behavior reflects his experience. He’s kind, considerate, etc, but with an edge. He also doesn’t suffer fools, or allow the strong to hurt the weak.
I have no use for powerful, titled scum who’ve had the world handed to them on a platter and who use their power to abuse others. And I positively detest so-called bad boys. A bad boy will never change, and I can’t believe a book that tells me he will, although I hear some women love books with “bad boy heroes”. I think the term is an oxymoron.
The latest book I’ve read with decent men heroes is JUST ONE SEASON IN LONDON by Leigh Michaels. Not one, but three, decent men heroes. My type of book.
I like a decent man. On top of it, I like a self-made man. I like men who’ve had a hard time and still make something of themselves, and who remain honorable in in the process. His behavior reflects his experience. He’s kind, considerate, etc, but with an edge. He also doesn’t suffer fools, or allow the strong to hurt the weak.
I have no use for powerful, titled scum who’ve had the world handed to them on a platter and who use their power to abuse others. And I positively detest so-called bad boys. A bad boy will never change, and I can’t believe a book that tells me he will, although I hear some women love books with “bad boy heroes”. I think the term is an oxymoron.
The latest book I’ve read with decent men heroes is JUST ONE SEASON IN LONDON by Leigh Michaels. Not one, but three, decent men heroes. My type of book.
I like a decent man. On top of it, I like a self-made man. I like men who’ve had a hard time and still make something of themselves, and who remain honorable in in the process. His behavior reflects his experience. He’s kind, considerate, etc, but with an edge. He also doesn’t suffer fools, or allow the strong to hurt the weak.
I have no use for powerful, titled scum who’ve had the world handed to them on a platter and who use their power to abuse others. And I positively detest so-called bad boys. A bad boy will never change, and I can’t believe a book that tells me he will, although I hear some women love books with “bad boy heroes”. I think the term is an oxymoron.
The latest book I’ve read with decent men heroes is JUST ONE SEASON IN LONDON by Leigh Michaels. Not one, but three, decent men heroes. My type of book.
I too believe that it is still important to be a gentleman. I define that as one who is confident in his own self-worth that he doesn’t feel threatened by anyone. He has good table manners and speech. Probably pretty narrow but that’s me.
I too believe that it is still important to be a gentleman. I define that as one who is confident in his own self-worth that he doesn’t feel threatened by anyone. He has good table manners and speech. Probably pretty narrow but that’s me.
I too believe that it is still important to be a gentleman. I define that as one who is confident in his own self-worth that he doesn’t feel threatened by anyone. He has good table manners and speech. Probably pretty narrow but that’s me.
I too believe that it is still important to be a gentleman. I define that as one who is confident in his own self-worth that he doesn’t feel threatened by anyone. He has good table manners and speech. Probably pretty narrow but that’s me.
I too believe that it is still important to be a gentleman. I define that as one who is confident in his own self-worth that he doesn’t feel threatened by anyone. He has good table manners and speech. Probably pretty narrow but that’s me.
What a hard question …today. As a “Baby Boomer” I watched as we woman demanded our rights. Equal pay for equal rights. I also watched as men became comfused as to what it was woman wanted in daily life. Some woman would get upset if a man offered to open a door for them! Little by little men stopped doing even the common courtest “thingies”. Soooooo, to answer the question, for me, a gentleman in today’s world….. has manners! ;o)
What a hard question …today. As a “Baby Boomer” I watched as we woman demanded our rights. Equal pay for equal rights. I also watched as men became comfused as to what it was woman wanted in daily life. Some woman would get upset if a man offered to open a door for them! Little by little men stopped doing even the common courtest “thingies”. Soooooo, to answer the question, for me, a gentleman in today’s world….. has manners! ;o)
What a hard question …today. As a “Baby Boomer” I watched as we woman demanded our rights. Equal pay for equal rights. I also watched as men became comfused as to what it was woman wanted in daily life. Some woman would get upset if a man offered to open a door for them! Little by little men stopped doing even the common courtest “thingies”. Soooooo, to answer the question, for me, a gentleman in today’s world….. has manners! ;o)
What a hard question …today. As a “Baby Boomer” I watched as we woman demanded our rights. Equal pay for equal rights. I also watched as men became comfused as to what it was woman wanted in daily life. Some woman would get upset if a man offered to open a door for them! Little by little men stopped doing even the common courtest “thingies”. Soooooo, to answer the question, for me, a gentleman in today’s world….. has manners! ;o)
What a hard question …today. As a “Baby Boomer” I watched as we woman demanded our rights. Equal pay for equal rights. I also watched as men became comfused as to what it was woman wanted in daily life. Some woman would get upset if a man offered to open a door for them! Little by little men stopped doing even the common courtest “thingies”. Soooooo, to answer the question, for me, a gentleman in today’s world….. has manners! ;o)
Thank you, Kristina! And for sharing your dating tales of woe with us. Those guys had no manners! I think old-fashioned courtesy is what makes the gentleman. I was showing a group of people around Ashdown House a few weeks ago and at the end one of the gentlemen kissed my hand and thanked me. I just about melted into a puddle – out of shock and under the force of his charm. Good luck finding a true gentleman. There are still a few of them around!
Thank you, Kristina! And for sharing your dating tales of woe with us. Those guys had no manners! I think old-fashioned courtesy is what makes the gentleman. I was showing a group of people around Ashdown House a few weeks ago and at the end one of the gentlemen kissed my hand and thanked me. I just about melted into a puddle – out of shock and under the force of his charm. Good luck finding a true gentleman. There are still a few of them around!
Thank you, Kristina! And for sharing your dating tales of woe with us. Those guys had no manners! I think old-fashioned courtesy is what makes the gentleman. I was showing a group of people around Ashdown House a few weeks ago and at the end one of the gentlemen kissed my hand and thanked me. I just about melted into a puddle – out of shock and under the force of his charm. Good luck finding a true gentleman. There are still a few of them around!
Thank you, Kristina! And for sharing your dating tales of woe with us. Those guys had no manners! I think old-fashioned courtesy is what makes the gentleman. I was showing a group of people around Ashdown House a few weeks ago and at the end one of the gentlemen kissed my hand and thanked me. I just about melted into a puddle – out of shock and under the force of his charm. Good luck finding a true gentleman. There are still a few of them around!
Thank you, Kristina! And for sharing your dating tales of woe with us. Those guys had no manners! I think old-fashioned courtesy is what makes the gentleman. I was showing a group of people around Ashdown House a few weeks ago and at the end one of the gentlemen kissed my hand and thanked me. I just about melted into a puddle – out of shock and under the force of his charm. Good luck finding a true gentleman. There are still a few of them around!
How interesting, Margaret. So that was in the sense of social class. My family too went down the social scale a few generations back, from heir to an earldom to being a miner. Still, we’re happy!!
How interesting, Margaret. So that was in the sense of social class. My family too went down the social scale a few generations back, from heir to an earldom to being a miner. Still, we’re happy!!
How interesting, Margaret. So that was in the sense of social class. My family too went down the social scale a few generations back, from heir to an earldom to being a miner. Still, we’re happy!!
How interesting, Margaret. So that was in the sense of social class. My family too went down the social scale a few generations back, from heir to an earldom to being a miner. Still, we’re happy!!
How interesting, Margaret. So that was in the sense of social class. My family too went down the social scale a few generations back, from heir to an earldom to being a miner. Still, we’re happy!!
Linda, it sounds as though you agree with Mrs Humphreys that a man can become a gentleman through work and good manners (like my grandfather) especially if they work their way out of poverty. I like that idea too.
Deb, your husband sounds a true gentleman. You have a good one there!
Linda, it sounds as though you agree with Mrs Humphreys that a man can become a gentleman through work and good manners (like my grandfather) especially if they work their way out of poverty. I like that idea too.
Deb, your husband sounds a true gentleman. You have a good one there!
Linda, it sounds as though you agree with Mrs Humphreys that a man can become a gentleman through work and good manners (like my grandfather) especially if they work their way out of poverty. I like that idea too.
Deb, your husband sounds a true gentleman. You have a good one there!
Linda, it sounds as though you agree with Mrs Humphreys that a man can become a gentleman through work and good manners (like my grandfather) especially if they work their way out of poverty. I like that idea too.
Deb, your husband sounds a true gentleman. You have a good one there!
Linda, it sounds as though you agree with Mrs Humphreys that a man can become a gentleman through work and good manners (like my grandfather) especially if they work their way out of poverty. I like that idea too.
Deb, your husband sounds a true gentleman. You have a good one there!
Liv, that’s very true. A man can have all the outward show of a gentleman but if he lacks some inward component then that negates it all.
Kate, I think your criteria are very sound! And Betty, there was an article in the news the other day about how women encouraged “benevolent chauvinism” by allowing men to open doors for them and I thought how sad it was that good manners are now stigmatised like that. I’d hold a door for someone and I would be disappointed in them if they didn’t do the same for me.
Liv, that’s very true. A man can have all the outward show of a gentleman but if he lacks some inward component then that negates it all.
Kate, I think your criteria are very sound! And Betty, there was an article in the news the other day about how women encouraged “benevolent chauvinism” by allowing men to open doors for them and I thought how sad it was that good manners are now stigmatised like that. I’d hold a door for someone and I would be disappointed in them if they didn’t do the same for me.
Liv, that’s very true. A man can have all the outward show of a gentleman but if he lacks some inward component then that negates it all.
Kate, I think your criteria are very sound! And Betty, there was an article in the news the other day about how women encouraged “benevolent chauvinism” by allowing men to open doors for them and I thought how sad it was that good manners are now stigmatised like that. I’d hold a door for someone and I would be disappointed in them if they didn’t do the same for me.
Liv, that’s very true. A man can have all the outward show of a gentleman but if he lacks some inward component then that negates it all.
Kate, I think your criteria are very sound! And Betty, there was an article in the news the other day about how women encouraged “benevolent chauvinism” by allowing men to open doors for them and I thought how sad it was that good manners are now stigmatised like that. I’d hold a door for someone and I would be disappointed in them if they didn’t do the same for me.
Liv, that’s very true. A man can have all the outward show of a gentleman but if he lacks some inward component then that negates it all.
Kate, I think your criteria are very sound! And Betty, there was an article in the news the other day about how women encouraged “benevolent chauvinism” by allowing men to open doors for them and I thought how sad it was that good manners are now stigmatised like that. I’d hold a door for someone and I would be disappointed in them if they didn’t do the same for me.
My mother used to drive an elderly aunt and uncle to the supermarket when they were no longer able to drive themselves. There was always a bit of a problem with the uncle. He was quite infirm, so it took a while to get him safely into the car. Unfortunately he then wanted to get out and hold the door for my mother because that was the gentlemanly thing to do.
Still, that’s preferable to the young man who was in too much of a hurry to hold the door for an old lady with a walker.
My mother used to drive an elderly aunt and uncle to the supermarket when they were no longer able to drive themselves. There was always a bit of a problem with the uncle. He was quite infirm, so it took a while to get him safely into the car. Unfortunately he then wanted to get out and hold the door for my mother because that was the gentlemanly thing to do.
Still, that’s preferable to the young man who was in too much of a hurry to hold the door for an old lady with a walker.
My mother used to drive an elderly aunt and uncle to the supermarket when they were no longer able to drive themselves. There was always a bit of a problem with the uncle. He was quite infirm, so it took a while to get him safely into the car. Unfortunately he then wanted to get out and hold the door for my mother because that was the gentlemanly thing to do.
Still, that’s preferable to the young man who was in too much of a hurry to hold the door for an old lady with a walker.
My mother used to drive an elderly aunt and uncle to the supermarket when they were no longer able to drive themselves. There was always a bit of a problem with the uncle. He was quite infirm, so it took a while to get him safely into the car. Unfortunately he then wanted to get out and hold the door for my mother because that was the gentlemanly thing to do.
Still, that’s preferable to the young man who was in too much of a hurry to hold the door for an old lady with a walker.
My mother used to drive an elderly aunt and uncle to the supermarket when they were no longer able to drive themselves. There was always a bit of a problem with the uncle. He was quite infirm, so it took a while to get him safely into the car. Unfortunately he then wanted to get out and hold the door for my mother because that was the gentlemanly thing to do.
Still, that’s preferable to the young man who was in too much of a hurry to hold the door for an old lady with a walker.
I’m a firm believer that chivalry is NOT dead and have hope there are still men who exhibit these qualities. Likewise, being a gentleman in the modern age is more important than ever. It’s a distinguishing and very appealing trait that appears rare. I still have hope. I think that’s why I gravitate towards historical romances, a true gentleman can also be a hero.
A gentleman for me is someone who has manners, and is considerate to others. He thinks before he speaks and acts in a way in which he would like to be treated. With all that when he comes to the rescue, protects all that is his, and defends others it’s makes it doubly appealing.
I liked Nicholas from A Knight in Shining Amor, not perfect but quite dashing.
I’m a firm believer that chivalry is NOT dead and have hope there are still men who exhibit these qualities. Likewise, being a gentleman in the modern age is more important than ever. It’s a distinguishing and very appealing trait that appears rare. I still have hope. I think that’s why I gravitate towards historical romances, a true gentleman can also be a hero.
A gentleman for me is someone who has manners, and is considerate to others. He thinks before he speaks and acts in a way in which he would like to be treated. With all that when he comes to the rescue, protects all that is his, and defends others it’s makes it doubly appealing.
I liked Nicholas from A Knight in Shining Amor, not perfect but quite dashing.
I’m a firm believer that chivalry is NOT dead and have hope there are still men who exhibit these qualities. Likewise, being a gentleman in the modern age is more important than ever. It’s a distinguishing and very appealing trait that appears rare. I still have hope. I think that’s why I gravitate towards historical romances, a true gentleman can also be a hero.
A gentleman for me is someone who has manners, and is considerate to others. He thinks before he speaks and acts in a way in which he would like to be treated. With all that when he comes to the rescue, protects all that is his, and defends others it’s makes it doubly appealing.
I liked Nicholas from A Knight in Shining Amor, not perfect but quite dashing.
I’m a firm believer that chivalry is NOT dead and have hope there are still men who exhibit these qualities. Likewise, being a gentleman in the modern age is more important than ever. It’s a distinguishing and very appealing trait that appears rare. I still have hope. I think that’s why I gravitate towards historical romances, a true gentleman can also be a hero.
A gentleman for me is someone who has manners, and is considerate to others. He thinks before he speaks and acts in a way in which he would like to be treated. With all that when he comes to the rescue, protects all that is his, and defends others it’s makes it doubly appealing.
I liked Nicholas from A Knight in Shining Amor, not perfect but quite dashing.
I’m a firm believer that chivalry is NOT dead and have hope there are still men who exhibit these qualities. Likewise, being a gentleman in the modern age is more important than ever. It’s a distinguishing and very appealing trait that appears rare. I still have hope. I think that’s why I gravitate towards historical romances, a true gentleman can also be a hero.
A gentleman for me is someone who has manners, and is considerate to others. He thinks before he speaks and acts in a way in which he would like to be treated. With all that when he comes to the rescue, protects all that is his, and defends others it’s makes it doubly appealing.
I liked Nicholas from A Knight in Shining Amor, not perfect but quite dashing.
You don’t find many gentleman in this day and time. To me a gentleman is one that has manners, will open car doors for the lady and really take care of her.
You don’t find many gentleman in this day and time. To me a gentleman is one that has manners, will open car doors for the lady and really take care of her.
You don’t find many gentleman in this day and time. To me a gentleman is one that has manners, will open car doors for the lady and really take care of her.
You don’t find many gentleman in this day and time. To me a gentleman is one that has manners, will open car doors for the lady and really take care of her.
You don’t find many gentleman in this day and time. To me a gentleman is one that has manners, will open car doors for the lady and really take care of her.
I once read that ‘a gentleman never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally’… which is quite interesting when you think of it.
pageturner345@gmail.com
I once read that ‘a gentleman never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally’… which is quite interesting when you think of it.
pageturner345@gmail.com
I once read that ‘a gentleman never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally’… which is quite interesting when you think of it.
pageturner345@gmail.com
I once read that ‘a gentleman never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally’… which is quite interesting when you think of it.
pageturner345@gmail.com
I once read that ‘a gentleman never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally’… which is quite interesting when you think of it.
pageturner345@gmail.com
Jane, that’s a very sweet story. Good manners were evidently very important to your great-uncle.
Na, I quite agree that there are still gentlemen around. Manners maketh the man, as the proverb goes.
Jane, that’s a very sweet story. Good manners were evidently very important to your great-uncle.
Na, I quite agree that there are still gentlemen around. Manners maketh the man, as the proverb goes.
Jane, that’s a very sweet story. Good manners were evidently very important to your great-uncle.
Na, I quite agree that there are still gentlemen around. Manners maketh the man, as the proverb goes.
Jane, that’s a very sweet story. Good manners were evidently very important to your great-uncle.
Na, I quite agree that there are still gentlemen around. Manners maketh the man, as the proverb goes.
Jane, that’s a very sweet story. Good manners were evidently very important to your great-uncle.
Na, I quite agree that there are still gentlemen around. Manners maketh the man, as the proverb goes.
That’s an interesting quote, Alison!
Quilt Lady, I think we all like a bit of chivalry! I know I do.
That’s an interesting quote, Alison!
Quilt Lady, I think we all like a bit of chivalry! I know I do.
That’s an interesting quote, Alison!
Quilt Lady, I think we all like a bit of chivalry! I know I do.
That’s an interesting quote, Alison!
Quilt Lady, I think we all like a bit of chivalry! I know I do.
That’s an interesting quote, Alison!
Quilt Lady, I think we all like a bit of chivalry! I know I do.
The modern day gentlemen truly must know the difference between confidence and arrogance, be respectful and manage to leave his techno gadgets out of site during a date (my pet peeve).
The modern day gentlemen truly must know the difference between confidence and arrogance, be respectful and manage to leave his techno gadgets out of site during a date (my pet peeve).
The modern day gentlemen truly must know the difference between confidence and arrogance, be respectful and manage to leave his techno gadgets out of site during a date (my pet peeve).
The modern day gentlemen truly must know the difference between confidence and arrogance, be respectful and manage to leave his techno gadgets out of site during a date (my pet peeve).
The modern day gentlemen truly must know the difference between confidence and arrogance, be respectful and manage to leave his techno gadgets out of site during a date (my pet peeve).
I do think it’s hard for men to know how to behave these days, because some women will be prickly if they think they’re being cocooned. But to me, manners are basically intelligent consideration for others, so a gentleman should be as courteous to another man as to a woman, and a woman should be the same back.
Nicola, as I understand it, the appropriate behavior for the well-bred gentleman did change, as you say, round about the end of the 19th century. The stiff upper lip and all that. The gentlemen of earlier generations often wallowed in their emotions, and I believe (can’t find evidence right now) considered such sensitivities a sign of good bloodlines and education. The lower orders were supposed to be “duller.”
All fascinating stuff.
Jo
I do think it’s hard for men to know how to behave these days, because some women will be prickly if they think they’re being cocooned. But to me, manners are basically intelligent consideration for others, so a gentleman should be as courteous to another man as to a woman, and a woman should be the same back.
Nicola, as I understand it, the appropriate behavior for the well-bred gentleman did change, as you say, round about the end of the 19th century. The stiff upper lip and all that. The gentlemen of earlier generations often wallowed in their emotions, and I believe (can’t find evidence right now) considered such sensitivities a sign of good bloodlines and education. The lower orders were supposed to be “duller.”
All fascinating stuff.
Jo
I do think it’s hard for men to know how to behave these days, because some women will be prickly if they think they’re being cocooned. But to me, manners are basically intelligent consideration for others, so a gentleman should be as courteous to another man as to a woman, and a woman should be the same back.
Nicola, as I understand it, the appropriate behavior for the well-bred gentleman did change, as you say, round about the end of the 19th century. The stiff upper lip and all that. The gentlemen of earlier generations often wallowed in their emotions, and I believe (can’t find evidence right now) considered such sensitivities a sign of good bloodlines and education. The lower orders were supposed to be “duller.”
All fascinating stuff.
Jo
I do think it’s hard for men to know how to behave these days, because some women will be prickly if they think they’re being cocooned. But to me, manners are basically intelligent consideration for others, so a gentleman should be as courteous to another man as to a woman, and a woman should be the same back.
Nicola, as I understand it, the appropriate behavior for the well-bred gentleman did change, as you say, round about the end of the 19th century. The stiff upper lip and all that. The gentlemen of earlier generations often wallowed in their emotions, and I believe (can’t find evidence right now) considered such sensitivities a sign of good bloodlines and education. The lower orders were supposed to be “duller.”
All fascinating stuff.
Jo
I do think it’s hard for men to know how to behave these days, because some women will be prickly if they think they’re being cocooned. But to me, manners are basically intelligent consideration for others, so a gentleman should be as courteous to another man as to a woman, and a woman should be the same back.
Nicola, as I understand it, the appropriate behavior for the well-bred gentleman did change, as you say, round about the end of the 19th century. The stiff upper lip and all that. The gentlemen of earlier generations often wallowed in their emotions, and I believe (can’t find evidence right now) considered such sensitivities a sign of good bloodlines and education. The lower orders were supposed to be “duller.”
All fascinating stuff.
Jo
Nicola
This is such a great post
I think we have somehow lost our true gentleman these days oh there are still some around my Dad was one he always walked on the correct side of any female (even his daughters when we were young) always opened doors for us even made us breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings never swore in front of a lady and made sure no one else did either.
A true gentleman I think comes from your up bringing and from his heart I would love to see more of them around.
I have to say most of the books I read all have gentleman in them whether they be an historical thru to a contempary and one of my all time favourites is Cary Grant he always played the true gentleman to me with a great sense of humour.
Have Fun
Helen
Nicola
This is such a great post
I think we have somehow lost our true gentleman these days oh there are still some around my Dad was one he always walked on the correct side of any female (even his daughters when we were young) always opened doors for us even made us breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings never swore in front of a lady and made sure no one else did either.
A true gentleman I think comes from your up bringing and from his heart I would love to see more of them around.
I have to say most of the books I read all have gentleman in them whether they be an historical thru to a contempary and one of my all time favourites is Cary Grant he always played the true gentleman to me with a great sense of humour.
Have Fun
Helen
Nicola
This is such a great post
I think we have somehow lost our true gentleman these days oh there are still some around my Dad was one he always walked on the correct side of any female (even his daughters when we were young) always opened doors for us even made us breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings never swore in front of a lady and made sure no one else did either.
A true gentleman I think comes from your up bringing and from his heart I would love to see more of them around.
I have to say most of the books I read all have gentleman in them whether they be an historical thru to a contempary and one of my all time favourites is Cary Grant he always played the true gentleman to me with a great sense of humour.
Have Fun
Helen
Nicola
This is such a great post
I think we have somehow lost our true gentleman these days oh there are still some around my Dad was one he always walked on the correct side of any female (even his daughters when we were young) always opened doors for us even made us breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings never swore in front of a lady and made sure no one else did either.
A true gentleman I think comes from your up bringing and from his heart I would love to see more of them around.
I have to say most of the books I read all have gentleman in them whether they be an historical thru to a contempary and one of my all time favourites is Cary Grant he always played the true gentleman to me with a great sense of humour.
Have Fun
Helen
Nicola
This is such a great post
I think we have somehow lost our true gentleman these days oh there are still some around my Dad was one he always walked on the correct side of any female (even his daughters when we were young) always opened doors for us even made us breakfast in bed on Sunday mornings never swore in front of a lady and made sure no one else did either.
A true gentleman I think comes from your up bringing and from his heart I would love to see more of them around.
I have to say most of the books I read all have gentleman in them whether they be an historical thru to a contempary and one of my all time favourites is Cary Grant he always played the true gentleman to me with a great sense of humour.
Have Fun
Helen
I concur that these modern whippersnappers often lack manners and polish, but often I think that’s their mothers’ fault, because most kids are taught manners when they are quite small and likely to be mostly under their mom’s supervision. I think manners in general have deteriorated so much in the past decades that moms aren’t teaching manners to their kids because they weren’t taught themselves.
I think Jo has an excellent definition of a gentleman – and a lady as well – its “intelligent consideration for others”. It can be learned by rote, but it’s probably easier if the person is raised to have some empathy for other people, and that sort of thing is learned early on. I doubt if it’s the sort of thing a kid absorbs in day care.
I have a neat anecdote about Cary Grant that my first boss’s wife once told me. In those long ago days my boss had a few entertainment clients, one of whom invited them to some large dinner event or other. When they entered the room and she saw the guests, she saw nothing but famous faces; she and her husband were the only non-entertainment people in the room. Nobody else there would have needed to be introduced to anybody else. Grant must have seen her discomfort, because he came over and said ‘Good evening. My name is Cary Grant’ — as if she didn’t know! — so that she wouldn’t feel awkward when she had to tell him her name. He went out of his way to put her at ease. That’s a gentleman.
I concur that these modern whippersnappers often lack manners and polish, but often I think that’s their mothers’ fault, because most kids are taught manners when they are quite small and likely to be mostly under their mom’s supervision. I think manners in general have deteriorated so much in the past decades that moms aren’t teaching manners to their kids because they weren’t taught themselves.
I think Jo has an excellent definition of a gentleman – and a lady as well – its “intelligent consideration for others”. It can be learned by rote, but it’s probably easier if the person is raised to have some empathy for other people, and that sort of thing is learned early on. I doubt if it’s the sort of thing a kid absorbs in day care.
I have a neat anecdote about Cary Grant that my first boss’s wife once told me. In those long ago days my boss had a few entertainment clients, one of whom invited them to some large dinner event or other. When they entered the room and she saw the guests, she saw nothing but famous faces; she and her husband were the only non-entertainment people in the room. Nobody else there would have needed to be introduced to anybody else. Grant must have seen her discomfort, because he came over and said ‘Good evening. My name is Cary Grant’ — as if she didn’t know! — so that she wouldn’t feel awkward when she had to tell him her name. He went out of his way to put her at ease. That’s a gentleman.
I concur that these modern whippersnappers often lack manners and polish, but often I think that’s their mothers’ fault, because most kids are taught manners when they are quite small and likely to be mostly under their mom’s supervision. I think manners in general have deteriorated so much in the past decades that moms aren’t teaching manners to their kids because they weren’t taught themselves.
I think Jo has an excellent definition of a gentleman – and a lady as well – its “intelligent consideration for others”. It can be learned by rote, but it’s probably easier if the person is raised to have some empathy for other people, and that sort of thing is learned early on. I doubt if it’s the sort of thing a kid absorbs in day care.
I have a neat anecdote about Cary Grant that my first boss’s wife once told me. In those long ago days my boss had a few entertainment clients, one of whom invited them to some large dinner event or other. When they entered the room and she saw the guests, she saw nothing but famous faces; she and her husband were the only non-entertainment people in the room. Nobody else there would have needed to be introduced to anybody else. Grant must have seen her discomfort, because he came over and said ‘Good evening. My name is Cary Grant’ — as if she didn’t know! — so that she wouldn’t feel awkward when she had to tell him her name. He went out of his way to put her at ease. That’s a gentleman.
I concur that these modern whippersnappers often lack manners and polish, but often I think that’s their mothers’ fault, because most kids are taught manners when they are quite small and likely to be mostly under their mom’s supervision. I think manners in general have deteriorated so much in the past decades that moms aren’t teaching manners to their kids because they weren’t taught themselves.
I think Jo has an excellent definition of a gentleman – and a lady as well – its “intelligent consideration for others”. It can be learned by rote, but it’s probably easier if the person is raised to have some empathy for other people, and that sort of thing is learned early on. I doubt if it’s the sort of thing a kid absorbs in day care.
I have a neat anecdote about Cary Grant that my first boss’s wife once told me. In those long ago days my boss had a few entertainment clients, one of whom invited them to some large dinner event or other. When they entered the room and she saw the guests, she saw nothing but famous faces; she and her husband were the only non-entertainment people in the room. Nobody else there would have needed to be introduced to anybody else. Grant must have seen her discomfort, because he came over and said ‘Good evening. My name is Cary Grant’ — as if she didn’t know! — so that she wouldn’t feel awkward when she had to tell him her name. He went out of his way to put her at ease. That’s a gentleman.
I concur that these modern whippersnappers often lack manners and polish, but often I think that’s their mothers’ fault, because most kids are taught manners when they are quite small and likely to be mostly under their mom’s supervision. I think manners in general have deteriorated so much in the past decades that moms aren’t teaching manners to their kids because they weren’t taught themselves.
I think Jo has an excellent definition of a gentleman – and a lady as well – its “intelligent consideration for others”. It can be learned by rote, but it’s probably easier if the person is raised to have some empathy for other people, and that sort of thing is learned early on. I doubt if it’s the sort of thing a kid absorbs in day care.
I have a neat anecdote about Cary Grant that my first boss’s wife once told me. In those long ago days my boss had a few entertainment clients, one of whom invited them to some large dinner event or other. When they entered the room and she saw the guests, she saw nothing but famous faces; she and her husband were the only non-entertainment people in the room. Nobody else there would have needed to be introduced to anybody else. Grant must have seen her discomfort, because he came over and said ‘Good evening. My name is Cary Grant’ — as if she didn’t know! — so that she wouldn’t feel awkward when she had to tell him her name. He went out of his way to put her at ease. That’s a gentleman.
Great story about Cary Grant, Janice. What beautiful manners. It also reminded me that there are still some gentlemen in the movie industry. A relative who works in films was in the bar of a London hotel with some colleagues when Johnny Depp came in. He asked very politely if he could join them and then introduced himself to everyone.
Great story about Cary Grant, Janice. What beautiful manners. It also reminded me that there are still some gentlemen in the movie industry. A relative who works in films was in the bar of a London hotel with some colleagues when Johnny Depp came in. He asked very politely if he could join them and then introduced himself to everyone.
Great story about Cary Grant, Janice. What beautiful manners. It also reminded me that there are still some gentlemen in the movie industry. A relative who works in films was in the bar of a London hotel with some colleagues when Johnny Depp came in. He asked very politely if he could join them and then introduced himself to everyone.
Great story about Cary Grant, Janice. What beautiful manners. It also reminded me that there are still some gentlemen in the movie industry. A relative who works in films was in the bar of a London hotel with some colleagues when Johnny Depp came in. He asked very politely if he could join them and then introduced himself to everyone.
Great story about Cary Grant, Janice. What beautiful manners. It also reminded me that there are still some gentlemen in the movie industry. A relative who works in films was in the bar of a London hotel with some colleagues when Johnny Depp came in. He asked very politely if he could join them and then introduced himself to everyone.
Kat, there can be a fine line between confidence and arrogance, can’t there, and a gentleman certainly is not arrogant.
Helen, I really miss the lovely manners of people like your Dad and my grandfather. I don’t think there is anything anti-feminist about good manners at all and really deplore people criticising them in that way. We need more good manners all round!
Kat, there can be a fine line between confidence and arrogance, can’t there, and a gentleman certainly is not arrogant.
Helen, I really miss the lovely manners of people like your Dad and my grandfather. I don’t think there is anything anti-feminist about good manners at all and really deplore people criticising them in that way. We need more good manners all round!
Kat, there can be a fine line between confidence and arrogance, can’t there, and a gentleman certainly is not arrogant.
Helen, I really miss the lovely manners of people like your Dad and my grandfather. I don’t think there is anything anti-feminist about good manners at all and really deplore people criticising them in that way. We need more good manners all round!
Kat, there can be a fine line between confidence and arrogance, can’t there, and a gentleman certainly is not arrogant.
Helen, I really miss the lovely manners of people like your Dad and my grandfather. I don’t think there is anything anti-feminist about good manners at all and really deplore people criticising them in that way. We need more good manners all round!
Kat, there can be a fine line between confidence and arrogance, can’t there, and a gentleman certainly is not arrogant.
Helen, I really miss the lovely manners of people like your Dad and my grandfather. I don’t think there is anything anti-feminist about good manners at all and really deplore people criticising them in that way. We need more good manners all round!
Jo, I remember you mentioning that change in what was considered appropriate behaviour for the well bred gentleman, which was why I thought it would be interesting to have a separate blog one day looking at the specific time that changed and the reasons for it. You also recommended a very good book about the making of the English gentleman, which I am still looking for.
Jo, I remember you mentioning that change in what was considered appropriate behaviour for the well bred gentleman, which was why I thought it would be interesting to have a separate blog one day looking at the specific time that changed and the reasons for it. You also recommended a very good book about the making of the English gentleman, which I am still looking for.
Jo, I remember you mentioning that change in what was considered appropriate behaviour for the well bred gentleman, which was why I thought it would be interesting to have a separate blog one day looking at the specific time that changed and the reasons for it. You also recommended a very good book about the making of the English gentleman, which I am still looking for.
Jo, I remember you mentioning that change in what was considered appropriate behaviour for the well bred gentleman, which was why I thought it would be interesting to have a separate blog one day looking at the specific time that changed and the reasons for it. You also recommended a very good book about the making of the English gentleman, which I am still looking for.
Jo, I remember you mentioning that change in what was considered appropriate behaviour for the well bred gentleman, which was why I thought it would be interesting to have a separate blog one day looking at the specific time that changed and the reasons for it. You also recommended a very good book about the making of the English gentleman, which I am still looking for.
Nicola, I agree that some things are just basic good manners. I think good manners should be about the same for both genders. Everyday things like matching your pace to what the person you’re walking with is comfortable with (how many of us have been wearing three inch heels yet someone in our party thought we could do the four minute mile in them?). Or holding the door for someone who has their hands full. Or helping someone carry their stuff in.
I mention these because I worked for a man who often left me trailing several steps behind him, trying to keep up when we entered a restaurant for instance; who not only did not hold doors open for me when I had my hands full (let alone offer to help carry), he’d let them close in my face. I don’t know to this day why he did that or if he did it with other people too. He had several virtues but consistent good manners was not among them. If he hadn’t been paying me more quite well for what he thought I was doing, I would have quit. As it was, I got sympathetic looks from the other staff. Which showed their good manners 🙂
Nicola, I agree that some things are just basic good manners. I think good manners should be about the same for both genders. Everyday things like matching your pace to what the person you’re walking with is comfortable with (how many of us have been wearing three inch heels yet someone in our party thought we could do the four minute mile in them?). Or holding the door for someone who has their hands full. Or helping someone carry their stuff in.
I mention these because I worked for a man who often left me trailing several steps behind him, trying to keep up when we entered a restaurant for instance; who not only did not hold doors open for me when I had my hands full (let alone offer to help carry), he’d let them close in my face. I don’t know to this day why he did that or if he did it with other people too. He had several virtues but consistent good manners was not among them. If he hadn’t been paying me more quite well for what he thought I was doing, I would have quit. As it was, I got sympathetic looks from the other staff. Which showed their good manners 🙂
Nicola, I agree that some things are just basic good manners. I think good manners should be about the same for both genders. Everyday things like matching your pace to what the person you’re walking with is comfortable with (how many of us have been wearing three inch heels yet someone in our party thought we could do the four minute mile in them?). Or holding the door for someone who has their hands full. Or helping someone carry their stuff in.
I mention these because I worked for a man who often left me trailing several steps behind him, trying to keep up when we entered a restaurant for instance; who not only did not hold doors open for me when I had my hands full (let alone offer to help carry), he’d let them close in my face. I don’t know to this day why he did that or if he did it with other people too. He had several virtues but consistent good manners was not among them. If he hadn’t been paying me more quite well for what he thought I was doing, I would have quit. As it was, I got sympathetic looks from the other staff. Which showed their good manners 🙂
Nicola, I agree that some things are just basic good manners. I think good manners should be about the same for both genders. Everyday things like matching your pace to what the person you’re walking with is comfortable with (how many of us have been wearing three inch heels yet someone in our party thought we could do the four minute mile in them?). Or holding the door for someone who has their hands full. Or helping someone carry their stuff in.
I mention these because I worked for a man who often left me trailing several steps behind him, trying to keep up when we entered a restaurant for instance; who not only did not hold doors open for me when I had my hands full (let alone offer to help carry), he’d let them close in my face. I don’t know to this day why he did that or if he did it with other people too. He had several virtues but consistent good manners was not among them. If he hadn’t been paying me more quite well for what he thought I was doing, I would have quit. As it was, I got sympathetic looks from the other staff. Which showed their good manners 🙂
Nicola, I agree that some things are just basic good manners. I think good manners should be about the same for both genders. Everyday things like matching your pace to what the person you’re walking with is comfortable with (how many of us have been wearing three inch heels yet someone in our party thought we could do the four minute mile in them?). Or holding the door for someone who has their hands full. Or helping someone carry their stuff in.
I mention these because I worked for a man who often left me trailing several steps behind him, trying to keep up when we entered a restaurant for instance; who not only did not hold doors open for me when I had my hands full (let alone offer to help carry), he’d let them close in my face. I don’t know to this day why he did that or if he did it with other people too. He had several virtues but consistent good manners was not among them. If he hadn’t been paying me more quite well for what he thought I was doing, I would have quit. As it was, I got sympathetic looks from the other staff. Which showed their good manners 🙂
It’s interesting, isn’t it, Janice, that some people seem completely unaware when they demonstrate bad manners. I’ve lost count of the times that men and women have let a door swing in my face. To me, manners really do maketh man – and woman.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, Janice, that some people seem completely unaware when they demonstrate bad manners. I’ve lost count of the times that men and women have let a door swing in my face. To me, manners really do maketh man – and woman.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, Janice, that some people seem completely unaware when they demonstrate bad manners. I’ve lost count of the times that men and women have let a door swing in my face. To me, manners really do maketh man – and woman.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, Janice, that some people seem completely unaware when they demonstrate bad manners. I’ve lost count of the times that men and women have let a door swing in my face. To me, manners really do maketh man – and woman.
It’s interesting, isn’t it, Janice, that some people seem completely unaware when they demonstrate bad manners. I’ve lost count of the times that men and women have let a door swing in my face. To me, manners really do maketh man – and woman.
Hey Nicola,
wonderful information you have shared once again. I think that Mrs. Humpfrey hit it on the head. The gentleness to woman and children and other helpless creatures is very important. My fiance still walks on the road side of the sidewalk to prevent me from getting splashed or hit by a car(thats what he tells me, I usually laugh but I really am touched by his worry and that he would take my spot). I think that to many of the “gentlemen” of the past were just gentlemen in name and not action they seem to me to have been full of themselves and rude to everyone that was just not up to par in their eyes. Now adays I just think a man should be courteous to those around them, treat their lady with respect, and do little things(because the little things do count)! My favorite gentlemen does happen to be a fictional character. He is a rake in every aspect but also has the best qualities of a gentlemen and that is nobody less then…. Rhett Butler of course. He is one amazing gentlemen. He is there at the times Scarlett neeeds him the most and a gentlemen in most things he does.. One other fictional gentlemen that comes to mind but not as prominetly as Rhett is Father Ralph de Bricassart from “The Thornbirds” by Coleen Mccullough. Father Ralph is a gentlemen and tries to be in all aspects but Maggie being the sincere person she is doesnt want him to give up his lifes work. So he is another gentlemen worthy of mentioning.
Hey Nicola,
wonderful information you have shared once again. I think that Mrs. Humpfrey hit it on the head. The gentleness to woman and children and other helpless creatures is very important. My fiance still walks on the road side of the sidewalk to prevent me from getting splashed or hit by a car(thats what he tells me, I usually laugh but I really am touched by his worry and that he would take my spot). I think that to many of the “gentlemen” of the past were just gentlemen in name and not action they seem to me to have been full of themselves and rude to everyone that was just not up to par in their eyes. Now adays I just think a man should be courteous to those around them, treat their lady with respect, and do little things(because the little things do count)! My favorite gentlemen does happen to be a fictional character. He is a rake in every aspect but also has the best qualities of a gentlemen and that is nobody less then…. Rhett Butler of course. He is one amazing gentlemen. He is there at the times Scarlett neeeds him the most and a gentlemen in most things he does.. One other fictional gentlemen that comes to mind but not as prominetly as Rhett is Father Ralph de Bricassart from “The Thornbirds” by Coleen Mccullough. Father Ralph is a gentlemen and tries to be in all aspects but Maggie being the sincere person she is doesnt want him to give up his lifes work. So he is another gentlemen worthy of mentioning.
Hey Nicola,
wonderful information you have shared once again. I think that Mrs. Humpfrey hit it on the head. The gentleness to woman and children and other helpless creatures is very important. My fiance still walks on the road side of the sidewalk to prevent me from getting splashed or hit by a car(thats what he tells me, I usually laugh but I really am touched by his worry and that he would take my spot). I think that to many of the “gentlemen” of the past were just gentlemen in name and not action they seem to me to have been full of themselves and rude to everyone that was just not up to par in their eyes. Now adays I just think a man should be courteous to those around them, treat their lady with respect, and do little things(because the little things do count)! My favorite gentlemen does happen to be a fictional character. He is a rake in every aspect but also has the best qualities of a gentlemen and that is nobody less then…. Rhett Butler of course. He is one amazing gentlemen. He is there at the times Scarlett neeeds him the most and a gentlemen in most things he does.. One other fictional gentlemen that comes to mind but not as prominetly as Rhett is Father Ralph de Bricassart from “The Thornbirds” by Coleen Mccullough. Father Ralph is a gentlemen and tries to be in all aspects but Maggie being the sincere person she is doesnt want him to give up his lifes work. So he is another gentlemen worthy of mentioning.
Hey Nicola,
wonderful information you have shared once again. I think that Mrs. Humpfrey hit it on the head. The gentleness to woman and children and other helpless creatures is very important. My fiance still walks on the road side of the sidewalk to prevent me from getting splashed or hit by a car(thats what he tells me, I usually laugh but I really am touched by his worry and that he would take my spot). I think that to many of the “gentlemen” of the past were just gentlemen in name and not action they seem to me to have been full of themselves and rude to everyone that was just not up to par in their eyes. Now adays I just think a man should be courteous to those around them, treat their lady with respect, and do little things(because the little things do count)! My favorite gentlemen does happen to be a fictional character. He is a rake in every aspect but also has the best qualities of a gentlemen and that is nobody less then…. Rhett Butler of course. He is one amazing gentlemen. He is there at the times Scarlett neeeds him the most and a gentlemen in most things he does.. One other fictional gentlemen that comes to mind but not as prominetly as Rhett is Father Ralph de Bricassart from “The Thornbirds” by Coleen Mccullough. Father Ralph is a gentlemen and tries to be in all aspects but Maggie being the sincere person she is doesnt want him to give up his lifes work. So he is another gentlemen worthy of mentioning.
Hey Nicola,
wonderful information you have shared once again. I think that Mrs. Humpfrey hit it on the head. The gentleness to woman and children and other helpless creatures is very important. My fiance still walks on the road side of the sidewalk to prevent me from getting splashed or hit by a car(thats what he tells me, I usually laugh but I really am touched by his worry and that he would take my spot). I think that to many of the “gentlemen” of the past were just gentlemen in name and not action they seem to me to have been full of themselves and rude to everyone that was just not up to par in their eyes. Now adays I just think a man should be courteous to those around them, treat their lady with respect, and do little things(because the little things do count)! My favorite gentlemen does happen to be a fictional character. He is a rake in every aspect but also has the best qualities of a gentlemen and that is nobody less then…. Rhett Butler of course. He is one amazing gentlemen. He is there at the times Scarlett neeeds him the most and a gentlemen in most things he does.. One other fictional gentlemen that comes to mind but not as prominetly as Rhett is Father Ralph de Bricassart from “The Thornbirds” by Coleen Mccullough. Father Ralph is a gentlemen and tries to be in all aspects but Maggie being the sincere person she is doesnt want him to give up his lifes work. So he is another gentlemen worthy of mentioning.
Hi Jami! Thank you for the comment. Ah, Rhett Butler! Yes, it’s great to be able to pull off a character who is a rake but still also a gentleman.
Hi Jami! Thank you for the comment. Ah, Rhett Butler! Yes, it’s great to be able to pull off a character who is a rake but still also a gentleman.
Hi Jami! Thank you for the comment. Ah, Rhett Butler! Yes, it’s great to be able to pull off a character who is a rake but still also a gentleman.
Hi Jami! Thank you for the comment. Ah, Rhett Butler! Yes, it’s great to be able to pull off a character who is a rake but still also a gentleman.
Hi Jami! Thank you for the comment. Ah, Rhett Butler! Yes, it’s great to be able to pull off a character who is a rake but still also a gentleman.
Maybe the next interesting question should be “What makes a lady?”
Maybe the next interesting question should be “What makes a lady?”
Maybe the next interesting question should be “What makes a lady?”
Maybe the next interesting question should be “What makes a lady?”
Maybe the next interesting question should be “What makes a lady?”
Is there a modern guide? Just wondering because when I attempted to teach my boys to stand when introduced to either a lady or an elder, they were instructed specifically not to stand. What is proper nowadays?
Is there a modern guide? Just wondering because when I attempted to teach my boys to stand when introduced to either a lady or an elder, they were instructed specifically not to stand. What is proper nowadays?
Is there a modern guide? Just wondering because when I attempted to teach my boys to stand when introduced to either a lady or an elder, they were instructed specifically not to stand. What is proper nowadays?
Is there a modern guide? Just wondering because when I attempted to teach my boys to stand when introduced to either a lady or an elder, they were instructed specifically not to stand. What is proper nowadays?
Is there a modern guide? Just wondering because when I attempted to teach my boys to stand when introduced to either a lady or an elder, they were instructed specifically not to stand. What is proper nowadays?
Yes, I’d like to discuss that one also, Jane.
Peggy, I really don’t know what is taught these days! I’ve seen various etiquette sites on the web and of course Debretts still issue instructions on modern manners.
Yes, I’d like to discuss that one also, Jane.
Peggy, I really don’t know what is taught these days! I’ve seen various etiquette sites on the web and of course Debretts still issue instructions on modern manners.
Yes, I’d like to discuss that one also, Jane.
Peggy, I really don’t know what is taught these days! I’ve seen various etiquette sites on the web and of course Debretts still issue instructions on modern manners.
Yes, I’d like to discuss that one also, Jane.
Peggy, I really don’t know what is taught these days! I’ve seen various etiquette sites on the web and of course Debretts still issue instructions on modern manners.
Yes, I’d like to discuss that one also, Jane.
Peggy, I really don’t know what is taught these days! I’ve seen various etiquette sites on the web and of course Debretts still issue instructions on modern manners.
What an interesting post! GENTLE MAN.. Two important words.
I’ve always liked the historical romance novel plots that include a landed gentleman not acting like one or a commoner with the character of a gentleman. This makes me realize that being a gentleman is more about character, good breeding, and morality than title or land ownership.
I believe there are few gentleman remaining today. They are the ones who know right from wrong, are willing to stand for what they believe in and have faith in a code of honor. They sense the need to protect and defend those they love, and act justly and fairly.
My grandfather used to say that men’s behavior changed in reaction to the women’s liberation movement. Once a man treats a woman like an equal, he no longer needs to be a gentleman. They no longer see women as the fairer sex that might need protection. There is no longer any reason to give your seat to a pregnant woman, offer to help a woman struggling with a heavy door, etc. If there is no one willing to act like a Lady, why is there a need for anyone to act like a Gentleman.
Being a gentleman these days is viewed as a weakness. Being fair in business rather than ruthless makes you last in the race for the almighty dollar. Forgiveness, walking away even when you are angry, respect for elders are all looked upon as weak behaviors.
I consider myself lucky that my dad and grandfather are gentlemen and that I married one as well!
What an interesting post! GENTLE MAN.. Two important words.
I’ve always liked the historical romance novel plots that include a landed gentleman not acting like one or a commoner with the character of a gentleman. This makes me realize that being a gentleman is more about character, good breeding, and morality than title or land ownership.
I believe there are few gentleman remaining today. They are the ones who know right from wrong, are willing to stand for what they believe in and have faith in a code of honor. They sense the need to protect and defend those they love, and act justly and fairly.
My grandfather used to say that men’s behavior changed in reaction to the women’s liberation movement. Once a man treats a woman like an equal, he no longer needs to be a gentleman. They no longer see women as the fairer sex that might need protection. There is no longer any reason to give your seat to a pregnant woman, offer to help a woman struggling with a heavy door, etc. If there is no one willing to act like a Lady, why is there a need for anyone to act like a Gentleman.
Being a gentleman these days is viewed as a weakness. Being fair in business rather than ruthless makes you last in the race for the almighty dollar. Forgiveness, walking away even when you are angry, respect for elders are all looked upon as weak behaviors.
I consider myself lucky that my dad and grandfather are gentlemen and that I married one as well!
What an interesting post! GENTLE MAN.. Two important words.
I’ve always liked the historical romance novel plots that include a landed gentleman not acting like one or a commoner with the character of a gentleman. This makes me realize that being a gentleman is more about character, good breeding, and morality than title or land ownership.
I believe there are few gentleman remaining today. They are the ones who know right from wrong, are willing to stand for what they believe in and have faith in a code of honor. They sense the need to protect and defend those they love, and act justly and fairly.
My grandfather used to say that men’s behavior changed in reaction to the women’s liberation movement. Once a man treats a woman like an equal, he no longer needs to be a gentleman. They no longer see women as the fairer sex that might need protection. There is no longer any reason to give your seat to a pregnant woman, offer to help a woman struggling with a heavy door, etc. If there is no one willing to act like a Lady, why is there a need for anyone to act like a Gentleman.
Being a gentleman these days is viewed as a weakness. Being fair in business rather than ruthless makes you last in the race for the almighty dollar. Forgiveness, walking away even when you are angry, respect for elders are all looked upon as weak behaviors.
I consider myself lucky that my dad and grandfather are gentlemen and that I married one as well!
What an interesting post! GENTLE MAN.. Two important words.
I’ve always liked the historical romance novel plots that include a landed gentleman not acting like one or a commoner with the character of a gentleman. This makes me realize that being a gentleman is more about character, good breeding, and morality than title or land ownership.
I believe there are few gentleman remaining today. They are the ones who know right from wrong, are willing to stand for what they believe in and have faith in a code of honor. They sense the need to protect and defend those they love, and act justly and fairly.
My grandfather used to say that men’s behavior changed in reaction to the women’s liberation movement. Once a man treats a woman like an equal, he no longer needs to be a gentleman. They no longer see women as the fairer sex that might need protection. There is no longer any reason to give your seat to a pregnant woman, offer to help a woman struggling with a heavy door, etc. If there is no one willing to act like a Lady, why is there a need for anyone to act like a Gentleman.
Being a gentleman these days is viewed as a weakness. Being fair in business rather than ruthless makes you last in the race for the almighty dollar. Forgiveness, walking away even when you are angry, respect for elders are all looked upon as weak behaviors.
I consider myself lucky that my dad and grandfather are gentlemen and that I married one as well!
What an interesting post! GENTLE MAN.. Two important words.
I’ve always liked the historical romance novel plots that include a landed gentleman not acting like one or a commoner with the character of a gentleman. This makes me realize that being a gentleman is more about character, good breeding, and morality than title or land ownership.
I believe there are few gentleman remaining today. They are the ones who know right from wrong, are willing to stand for what they believe in and have faith in a code of honor. They sense the need to protect and defend those they love, and act justly and fairly.
My grandfather used to say that men’s behavior changed in reaction to the women’s liberation movement. Once a man treats a woman like an equal, he no longer needs to be a gentleman. They no longer see women as the fairer sex that might need protection. There is no longer any reason to give your seat to a pregnant woman, offer to help a woman struggling with a heavy door, etc. If there is no one willing to act like a Lady, why is there a need for anyone to act like a Gentleman.
Being a gentleman these days is viewed as a weakness. Being fair in business rather than ruthless makes you last in the race for the almighty dollar. Forgiveness, walking away even when you are angry, respect for elders are all looked upon as weak behaviors.
I consider myself lucky that my dad and grandfather are gentlemen and that I married one as well!
Hi Fall Bride. Thank you very much for your post. I totally agree that being a gentleman is about character – I love your comment about a gentleman standing up for what he believes in and being true to his code of honour.
I think it’s a great pity if women – and men – feel that gender equality means people no longer need to act like ladies and gentlemen. I don’t see the two as mutually exclusive at all. It’s all about manners – I’d give my seat up for a pregnant woman! Maybe the boundaries have changed but not the basic need for good manners. Just my opinion!
Hi Fall Bride. Thank you very much for your post. I totally agree that being a gentleman is about character – I love your comment about a gentleman standing up for what he believes in and being true to his code of honour.
I think it’s a great pity if women – and men – feel that gender equality means people no longer need to act like ladies and gentlemen. I don’t see the two as mutually exclusive at all. It’s all about manners – I’d give my seat up for a pregnant woman! Maybe the boundaries have changed but not the basic need for good manners. Just my opinion!
Hi Fall Bride. Thank you very much for your post. I totally agree that being a gentleman is about character – I love your comment about a gentleman standing up for what he believes in and being true to his code of honour.
I think it’s a great pity if women – and men – feel that gender equality means people no longer need to act like ladies and gentlemen. I don’t see the two as mutually exclusive at all. It’s all about manners – I’d give my seat up for a pregnant woman! Maybe the boundaries have changed but not the basic need for good manners. Just my opinion!
Hi Fall Bride. Thank you very much for your post. I totally agree that being a gentleman is about character – I love your comment about a gentleman standing up for what he believes in and being true to his code of honour.
I think it’s a great pity if women – and men – feel that gender equality means people no longer need to act like ladies and gentlemen. I don’t see the two as mutually exclusive at all. It’s all about manners – I’d give my seat up for a pregnant woman! Maybe the boundaries have changed but not the basic need for good manners. Just my opinion!
Hi Fall Bride. Thank you very much for your post. I totally agree that being a gentleman is about character – I love your comment about a gentleman standing up for what he believes in and being true to his code of honour.
I think it’s a great pity if women – and men – feel that gender equality means people no longer need to act like ladies and gentlemen. I don’t see the two as mutually exclusive at all. It’s all about manners – I’d give my seat up for a pregnant woman! Maybe the boundaries have changed but not the basic need for good manners. Just my opinion!