The Stiff Upper Lip

MedievalNicola here, reflecting on the qualities associated with the
“stiff upper lip” and whether they are the type of characteristics we like to
read about in our heroes – and heroines.

No Self-Control

A new series on TV in the UK is tracing the “emotional
history” of Britain and it is interesting to discover that the nation has not
always been associated with reserve, resilience, restraint and emotional
coolness. In the Middle Ages visitors including the Dutch scholar Erasmus
commented on the fact that the English were always kissing each other, weeping,
arguing and generally allowing their passions to get the better of them.
Italian visitors to the Elizabethan court also commented unfavourably on how the
British lacked self-control. It was a time when the Brits were renowned for
letting it all hang out emotionally and it was the French who invented the word
“sang-froid” to describe a quality that their neighbours across the Channel
singularly lacked.

During the English Civil Wars of the 17th century
the Parliamentarians, famous for frowning on
Cavalier celebrations of festivals such as
Christmas, represented the virtues of modesty and discipline whilst the
cavaliers revelled in pleasure and panache. This vogue for indulging the
emotions was popular during the Restoration and by the 18th century the
word “sentimental” was a term of praise. It referred to a person of taste and
refinement, someone who would openly show emotion. Both men and women wept over
books such as Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa, and sentimental paintings were
Nelsonvery
much in fashion. The last great hero of this era was Horatio Nelson, flamboyant
and sentimental, a man who paraded his passions in public.  This was a man who had no hesitation in
asking one of his closest friends to kiss him goodbye on his deathbed. When
Nelson died the huge outpouring of grief at his funeral mirrored the emotional
nature of his life.

 

The Lip Stiffens 

But the Napoleonic Wars and the French Revolution were
changing British attitudes towards the
Darcy expression of passion. The French
Revolution was seen as a disastrous result of the outpouring of rampant
emotional expression. Passion was seen as dangerous to life and liberty.  At its most extreme, political passion
resulted in revolution. So it was time to stiffen the upper lip and reject the
display of emotion. Jane Austen’s heroes reflect this change. They have admirable self-control and seldom express their feelings. When they do, what
they say is concise, heartfelt but not flamboyant: Mr Darcy, for example, only expresses his admiration for Elizabeth Bennett when goaded into it by Miss Bingley. Henry Tilney in Northanger Abbey is determinedly unsentimental, rejecting the heroine's wild flights of imagination. Even Frederick Wentworth, possibly the most open of Jane Austen's heroes is still a model of military restraint, resourcefulness and fortitude. As for the heroines, Elinor, representing sense, is favoured over Marianne, representing Sensibility.

WellingtonLord Byron was another man who simply could not resist
indulging his emotions. In contrast, the Duke of Wellington came to exemplify all
that was admired in stoicism and self-control. The “Iron Duke” was emotionally
restrained. One could not imagine him asking his best friend to kiss him under any circumstances. The
story of his exchange with Lord Uxbridge at the Battle of Waterloo demonstrates this. When Uxbridge had his leg shattered by a cannonball he declared: “By God,
Sir, I’ve lost my leg!” “By God, sir, so you have,” Wellington replied calmly.

The Doughty Victorians

The Victorian era enshrined
the stiff upper lip as a virtue throughout all classes of society. Britons’
Florentia Sale
inclination to express passion was suppressed, beaten out of young men at
public school and repressed by the Church. 
Explorers and soldiers were models of cool self-control and so were the
women who supported them. Florentia, Lady Sale, during the disastrous British
retreat from Kabul in the First Afghan War wrote in her diary: "Today we
fought our way through the Jugdulluk Pass. Fortunately, I was only wounded
once."

Much of the literature of the
Victorian period reflected this cool stoicism. Invictus by WE Henley, Vitai
Lampada by Henry Newbolt and If by Rudyard Kipling all praise the quality of
the stiff upper lip in the face of adversity. However, the flip side to such fortutide could be a lack of imagination and empathy. There was a strong backlash against the stiff upper lip at the start of the 20th century from those who felt it ironed out all sensitivity.

Is there still a place for the stiff upper lip?

Andy Murray cryingThese days there is a general
consensus that the stiff upper lip is quivering too much with
sentimentality. We Brits cry regularly – even tennis player Andy Murray, the dour Scot, gets emotional. We get
passionate for the things we care about. And yet some of the British classic
understatement and stiff upper lip does survive. In my family the enquiry “How
are you?” is always greeted with the answer “fine, thank you” regardless of
circumstances. When my other half and I were driving through the African bush
and got stuck in deep sand we took turns in digging the Land Rover out whilst
the other one kept watch for a lion attack. We needed all our reserves of calmness and fortitude then. 

I’m not suggesting that the
qualities of coolness in the face of danger, resilience and restraint are
exclusive to the Brits. Far from it. I don’t see them as the preserve of one
particular nation over another. During the Victoran period there was in fact a fear that the Americans in particular were going to overtake the British in terms of their coollness under pressure and their positive attitude. Other races were also acknowledged to possess the stiff upper lip: The Germans were renowned for their discipline, the Australians for their resilience and resourcefulness and the Nordic races for their calm.

I have to confess that I do find many of the qualities associated with the stiff upper lip to be attractive, in real life as well as in my fiction. I suppose ideally I would like a
hero who possesses some restraint and a great line in understatement, but who is still
emotionally literate enough to declare his love to the heroine. I also love strong heroines who are clever and resourceful. 

What about you?
Do you prefer the strong silent type of hero who suppresses his passion or the sort of
man like Nelson or Byron who isn’t ashamed to show his emotions in public? Or a
hero somewhere between the two? Are there any particular examples of restraint
and self-control you admire in real life or in novels? And what about the heroines? After all, the stiff upper lip isn't the sole prerogative of the male of the species!

40 thoughts on “The Stiff Upper Lip”

  1. I like a hero who is enigmatic and cool in public but discovers he can be passionate with the heroine. I like a man who can be tender and affectionate with the heroine. I like a man who can cry when moved. But I don’t want him doing it all over the place, especially with ‘other women’. I’m a big fan of the woman who can love without being a wimp. Who can balance the sacrifices a woman often has to make with moral courage and resourcefulness.

    Reply
  2. I like a hero who is enigmatic and cool in public but discovers he can be passionate with the heroine. I like a man who can be tender and affectionate with the heroine. I like a man who can cry when moved. But I don’t want him doing it all over the place, especially with ‘other women’. I’m a big fan of the woman who can love without being a wimp. Who can balance the sacrifices a woman often has to make with moral courage and resourcefulness.

    Reply
  3. I like a hero who is enigmatic and cool in public but discovers he can be passionate with the heroine. I like a man who can be tender and affectionate with the heroine. I like a man who can cry when moved. But I don’t want him doing it all over the place, especially with ‘other women’. I’m a big fan of the woman who can love without being a wimp. Who can balance the sacrifices a woman often has to make with moral courage and resourcefulness.

    Reply
  4. I like a hero who is enigmatic and cool in public but discovers he can be passionate with the heroine. I like a man who can be tender and affectionate with the heroine. I like a man who can cry when moved. But I don’t want him doing it all over the place, especially with ‘other women’. I’m a big fan of the woman who can love without being a wimp. Who can balance the sacrifices a woman often has to make with moral courage and resourcefulness.

    Reply
  5. I like a hero who is enigmatic and cool in public but discovers he can be passionate with the heroine. I like a man who can be tender and affectionate with the heroine. I like a man who can cry when moved. But I don’t want him doing it all over the place, especially with ‘other women’. I’m a big fan of the woman who can love without being a wimp. Who can balance the sacrifices a woman often has to make with moral courage and resourcefulness.

    Reply
  6. How about neither? I’m a sucker for the hero who laughs in the face of danger. Cyrano, for example. Or Scaramouche—”born with the gift of laughter and the sense that the world was mad.”

    Reply
  7. How about neither? I’m a sucker for the hero who laughs in the face of danger. Cyrano, for example. Or Scaramouche—”born with the gift of laughter and the sense that the world was mad.”

    Reply
  8. How about neither? I’m a sucker for the hero who laughs in the face of danger. Cyrano, for example. Or Scaramouche—”born with the gift of laughter and the sense that the world was mad.”

    Reply
  9. How about neither? I’m a sucker for the hero who laughs in the face of danger. Cyrano, for example. Or Scaramouche—”born with the gift of laughter and the sense that the world was mad.”

    Reply
  10. How about neither? I’m a sucker for the hero who laughs in the face of danger. Cyrano, for example. Or Scaramouche—”born with the gift of laughter and the sense that the world was mad.”

    Reply
  11. That sounds like the perfect balance for a hero, Fiona. I also like the idea of a woman who can love and yet still be strong and resourceful. It’s hitting the right combination of qualities that is the challenge!

    Reply
  12. That sounds like the perfect balance for a hero, Fiona. I also like the idea of a woman who can love and yet still be strong and resourceful. It’s hitting the right combination of qualities that is the challenge!

    Reply
  13. That sounds like the perfect balance for a hero, Fiona. I also like the idea of a woman who can love and yet still be strong and resourceful. It’s hitting the right combination of qualities that is the challenge!

    Reply
  14. That sounds like the perfect balance for a hero, Fiona. I also like the idea of a woman who can love and yet still be strong and resourceful. It’s hitting the right combination of qualities that is the challenge!

    Reply
  15. That sounds like the perfect balance for a hero, Fiona. I also like the idea of a woman who can love and yet still be strong and resourceful. It’s hitting the right combination of qualities that is the challenge!

    Reply
  16. I’m afraid I have always been an admirer of the British “stiff upper lip.” When we lived in Kelsale I remember one of the ladies talking about their nanny during the Blitz. They were sitting at dinner and heard explosions getting closer and closer. One of them asked, “What’s that, Nanny?” Her reply “Bombs, dear. Elbows off the table.” To this day that always makes me smile. My Dad was three quarters Welsh and a quarter English. He was always the calm, collected one while my Mom (half Cherokee/half Creek) was (and remains) the volatile one.
    And I guess that is why I like a hero and heroine dynamic in which one is the calm, collected one and the other is the volatile or funny and irreverent one. I like the idea of two halves making a whole.

    Reply
  17. I’m afraid I have always been an admirer of the British “stiff upper lip.” When we lived in Kelsale I remember one of the ladies talking about their nanny during the Blitz. They were sitting at dinner and heard explosions getting closer and closer. One of them asked, “What’s that, Nanny?” Her reply “Bombs, dear. Elbows off the table.” To this day that always makes me smile. My Dad was three quarters Welsh and a quarter English. He was always the calm, collected one while my Mom (half Cherokee/half Creek) was (and remains) the volatile one.
    And I guess that is why I like a hero and heroine dynamic in which one is the calm, collected one and the other is the volatile or funny and irreverent one. I like the idea of two halves making a whole.

    Reply
  18. I’m afraid I have always been an admirer of the British “stiff upper lip.” When we lived in Kelsale I remember one of the ladies talking about their nanny during the Blitz. They were sitting at dinner and heard explosions getting closer and closer. One of them asked, “What’s that, Nanny?” Her reply “Bombs, dear. Elbows off the table.” To this day that always makes me smile. My Dad was three quarters Welsh and a quarter English. He was always the calm, collected one while my Mom (half Cherokee/half Creek) was (and remains) the volatile one.
    And I guess that is why I like a hero and heroine dynamic in which one is the calm, collected one and the other is the volatile or funny and irreverent one. I like the idea of two halves making a whole.

    Reply
  19. I’m afraid I have always been an admirer of the British “stiff upper lip.” When we lived in Kelsale I remember one of the ladies talking about their nanny during the Blitz. They were sitting at dinner and heard explosions getting closer and closer. One of them asked, “What’s that, Nanny?” Her reply “Bombs, dear. Elbows off the table.” To this day that always makes me smile. My Dad was three quarters Welsh and a quarter English. He was always the calm, collected one while my Mom (half Cherokee/half Creek) was (and remains) the volatile one.
    And I guess that is why I like a hero and heroine dynamic in which one is the calm, collected one and the other is the volatile or funny and irreverent one. I like the idea of two halves making a whole.

    Reply
  20. I’m afraid I have always been an admirer of the British “stiff upper lip.” When we lived in Kelsale I remember one of the ladies talking about their nanny during the Blitz. They were sitting at dinner and heard explosions getting closer and closer. One of them asked, “What’s that, Nanny?” Her reply “Bombs, dear. Elbows off the table.” To this day that always makes me smile. My Dad was three quarters Welsh and a quarter English. He was always the calm, collected one while my Mom (half Cherokee/half Creek) was (and remains) the volatile one.
    And I guess that is why I like a hero and heroine dynamic in which one is the calm, collected one and the other is the volatile or funny and irreverent one. I like the idea of two halves making a whole.

    Reply
  21. I must say I prefer my heroes and heroines to be in the middle. Too ‘stiff upper lip’, either male or female, gets a bit wearing after a while. A lot of the Regency books have heroes who have returned from the Peninsular. I have always thought that they are very hard, having killed (I assume) so frequently. Is that stiff upper lip? I like my heroes and heroines to show some humanity. It makes them easier to identify with.

    Reply
  22. I must say I prefer my heroes and heroines to be in the middle. Too ‘stiff upper lip’, either male or female, gets a bit wearing after a while. A lot of the Regency books have heroes who have returned from the Peninsular. I have always thought that they are very hard, having killed (I assume) so frequently. Is that stiff upper lip? I like my heroes and heroines to show some humanity. It makes them easier to identify with.

    Reply
  23. I must say I prefer my heroes and heroines to be in the middle. Too ‘stiff upper lip’, either male or female, gets a bit wearing after a while. A lot of the Regency books have heroes who have returned from the Peninsular. I have always thought that they are very hard, having killed (I assume) so frequently. Is that stiff upper lip? I like my heroes and heroines to show some humanity. It makes them easier to identify with.

    Reply
  24. I must say I prefer my heroes and heroines to be in the middle. Too ‘stiff upper lip’, either male or female, gets a bit wearing after a while. A lot of the Regency books have heroes who have returned from the Peninsular. I have always thought that they are very hard, having killed (I assume) so frequently. Is that stiff upper lip? I like my heroes and heroines to show some humanity. It makes them easier to identify with.

    Reply
  25. I must say I prefer my heroes and heroines to be in the middle. Too ‘stiff upper lip’, either male or female, gets a bit wearing after a while. A lot of the Regency books have heroes who have returned from the Peninsular. I have always thought that they are very hard, having killed (I assume) so frequently. Is that stiff upper lip? I like my heroes and heroines to show some humanity. It makes them easier to identify with.

    Reply
  26. I have to say, I actually really like overly-dramatic and somewhat volatile heroes (paired with calm heroines). There aren’t all that many of them, though.

    Reply
  27. I have to say, I actually really like overly-dramatic and somewhat volatile heroes (paired with calm heroines). There aren’t all that many of them, though.

    Reply
  28. I have to say, I actually really like overly-dramatic and somewhat volatile heroes (paired with calm heroines). There aren’t all that many of them, though.

    Reply
  29. I have to say, I actually really like overly-dramatic and somewhat volatile heroes (paired with calm heroines). There aren’t all that many of them, though.

    Reply
  30. I have to say, I actually really like overly-dramatic and somewhat volatile heroes (paired with calm heroines). There aren’t all that many of them, though.

    Reply

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