Christina here and today I’m feeling a bit nostalgic for old traditions that are being lost because of our hectic modern lives. I’m thinking specifically about customs to do with weddings and dowries. Not the money kind or portioning out of big estates always talked about in historical novels, but the practical kind – the sheets, towels and other types of household goods an ordinary bride would bring with her when she married. In fact, I’m wondering if mine was the last generation who cared about such things? And was this tradition only in Sweden or elsewhere as well?
Let’s rewind a little to my grandmother’s era. I’m talking about my Swedish granny here, although I’m assuming things were more or less the same in other parts of the world too. Her name was Mai – she was born in the month of May in the year 1909. Already when she was christened her godparents would have been expected to start contributing towards her future dowry. It was the custom for them to buy her a silver tea spoon every birthday (or something equally valuable). That way she should have a full set by the time she was of marriageable age.
As soon as she was old enough the sewing began as well. For her married life she would need towels, sheets, pillow cases, linen table cloths and napkins. These were hand sewn/hemmed and often edged with home-made lace, either crocheted or made with bobbins. One of her aunts, Elly, never married but spent her life doing exquisite embroidery and crocheting lace. I still have rolls of it!
The various pieces are marked with notes saying how long they are in order to show what they could be used for. A sheet, for example would need at least a metre and a half which is a lot of lace. Having tried my hand at crocheting this myself I know how time consuming it is so I’m sure members of the family were very grateful to Elly. The crochet hook used is absolutely tiny! I also have a lot of the doilies she embroidered. But I digress …
I don’t know whether Mai had a special place to store her growing collection of items, but later when she’d produced three daughters herself she bought them each a wedding chest. I still have my mother’s, which I inherited, although technically it now belongs to my older daughter. I assume Mai must have had one too but I don’t know what happened to that.
Anyway, back to her wedding in 1931. She now knew what her future surname was going to be and it was time to add an embroidered F to every single item – usually in the corner on table cloths and napkins, and in the middle on sheets and towels. (Some things like sheets even had a monogram with her and her husband’s first names, making it MFB.) She told me there was so much sewing involved they had to engage extra women to help get it all done in time.
Wedding presents included silver cutlery to complete the sets she already had (a dozen of everything) and those also had to be engraved with their monogram (although this one is my mother’s so has different initials).
And wedding guests contributed china and glassware to make up full sets too. These things were all supposed to last for the couple’s entire married life and they did. My mother still has some of the sheets she was given when she married 60 years ago! And they’re fine, just very soft, so must have been good quality. (On the right here you’ll see my grandfather’s drinks cabinet which I now use to store some of the glasses he and my grandmother owned which I’ve inherited.)
These days couples either have a wedding list at a particular store or they ask for money. They usually already have most of the household goods they need as they’ve been living away from their parents for years. How many of them care whether they’ll have a set of ’best china’, cutlery and glasses for dinner parties? And do they mind about monogrammed napkins? I doubt it. But I did.
My granny had instilled these traditions in me from an early age, and I was thrilled when she made me lace-edged sheets and my aunt gave me a set of towels with my initial added. I collected cutlery and picked out a dinner service I wanted. And I happily accepted heirloom table cloths for my bridal chest – every one of them special because I knew who had spent hours making them. When I look at them now, I remember those people and think of them fondly.
And now to the sad part: I have two daughters and I don’t think either of them care about any of these things in the least. The lace Elly so painstakingly crocheted, and the sheets and table cloths Mai hand made for me mean nothing to them. They’re just ‘old things’. Will anyone want them and cherish them when I’m gone? Who knows? Of course there are young people who love antiques and I have to hope that someone down the line in my family will be one of them. (Trust me, I’ve tried to instill my love of history in my children but with zero success so I’m pinning my hopes on future generations).
A lot of love went into the making of practical dowries and I really feel it’s a shame the tradition is lost. But maybe I’m just old-fashioned?
What do you think? Did you or your partner have a bridal chest? Does your family have any traditions of this kind that you’d like to see carried on? I’d love to know!
We’re probably about the same age (my parents also married 60 years ago), & I love this stuff, although the traditions have faded away.
My parents have a set of silver-plated cutlery which came (mostly? entirely? I’m not sure) from the German aunt who was her godmother. We used it daily when I was a kid, until my mother decided the silver-cleaning wasn’t worth the trouble.
That sounds lovely! It always seems a shame to me not to use these things but silver polishing is a bit of a chore.
What a lovely post, Christina! I’ve often heard of hope chests in the US which I believe may be the equivalent of your bridal chests. (And, no, I did not have one.) When my husband and I married, we did have a wedding gift registry. Rather than requesting a fancy china that might only be used a few times a year, we asked for something sturdier that we’d be happy to use everyday. It’s still going strong over thirty years later. You can see it here ~ https://www.replacements.com/china-dansk-maribo-japan/c/19157?srsltid=AfmBOoq7wMq5xTh6aS3utRLWL2KVOnRBpkcfwRD7Vg0be7xW6oOfaZLG
That’s very pretty Kareni and I think you were sensible to choose something you could use every day. My fancy porcelain only comes out once a year at Christmas and new year. I like the term hope chest!
Lovely post, Christina. I don’t think Mum had an actual chest, but I do know that Nana (her mother) embroidered a lot of tablecloths, tray cloths and doilies and crocheted lots of edges around them, as well as edges and embroidery of handkerchiefs, though not with initials. I know Mum did get given sheet sets, etc, which were of good quality and lasted for years. I still have some.
I seem to be the only one in the family who loves these things. And as a child, while I didn’t take up embroidery with any great enthusiasm, I did teach myself to crochet and made a number of fine crocheted edges for handkerchiefs that Nana hadn’t got to — they had specially designed edges for the hooks to go through. And yes, those crochet hooks are tiny. I still have them. I also have Mum’s original “good” china and the later set she bought.
That’s lovely Anne! I’m the only one who treasures these things as well but I’m hoping someone in a future generation will take an interest eventually.
Christina, I’ve read about hope chests but I don’t think they were ever part of the rural culture that I grew up in. The pieces you wrote about sound lovely, though. Plus all the sewing was something to keep bored young ladies busy and out of trouble!
Thank you! Yes that’s a good point about the sewing – there was certainly a lot to do!
My Nana was born in 1923 and she was one of the last people in the 90s who still did tatting in San Diego. She even wound my hair to make thread as a kid on the spinning wheel she had. She had a few hope chests (all cedar), of which my aunt (born in the 40s) and my mom born another 20 years later, each could have had one. I wanted to do similar things for my daughter and she likes embroidery, but due to her medical issues she probably won’t get married ever. I’m a perpetual caregiver. When I was a pre-teen I used to ask for kitchenware so I had quite a bit of kitchen items by the time I was an adult in my first marriage. I kept everything on a pallet in my Nana’s cellar.
That’s fascinating Sarah! My mother’s bridal chest was made of oak but the cedar ones sound lovely. Like you I wanted to do things for my daughters but I don’t think either of them will get married either. I’ve embroidered their initials on a few tea towels and things like that though. I think they liked that.
It wasn’t done in my mother’s time because nobody had anything to give. She grew up in sheer poverty as did her mother before her. One thing I do have from my mother was a wedding gift from the girls she worked in service with and that’s a set of six small glasses which has a 22 carat gold rim on them. I don’t know how the girls afforded them at the time. I’m simply a holder of them as they were left to my second daughter. She loves crochet and knitting too and makes lots of things for the family.
I have two daughters and a son and I don’t think any of them will get married so it’s just as well I didn’t start any Hope Chests, though the idea certainly was lovely!!!
Those glasses sound fabulous Teresa! I hope you get to use them occasionally while you’re looking after them. As regards the hope chests we’ll have to hope it’s a tradition that gets resurrected.
In 1956 my sister’s graduation class (girls) were given small Hope Chests. It was sponsored by a jeweler.
I have my parents’ larger one; mahogany with cedar wood lining. It stores the quilts my mother and grandmothers made.
Full of stories, that one.
Great articles, Word Wenches
Thank you Eleanor – how wonderful! If I ever finish the quilt I’m working on I should put it in my daughter’s chest!
It is very sad that so much tradition and grace has left our lives. But i suspect that part of it is the time and upk,eep spent on so many kf those things that our forebears cherished.
Few people i know have the kinds if dinner parties that required such things or the time to do it if they did. With everybody working(many long hours) and the kids busy with so many activities it js a wonder that any families even usit down together fkr dinner these days. I remember the silver tea service that my parents had which my sister now has(but doesn’t use these days) ans the two sets of dishes that were to be divided between her and me tafter my mother died. My father never remarried, but kept everything untik we grew up so when we reached adukthood, many of the gifts that my mom got when she married were divided between us. I still have some kf those things and so does my sister.
(Mostly silver and china). I still like to set a nice table when i have company either for tea, brunch or for dinner, but usually not more than 2-4 people.
That’s lovely Jane and I’m glad you got to inherit those things! You’re right about our hectic lives. I keep thinking I’d love to host a proper dinner party but never get round to it. Maybe we need to make time?
My mother had a hope chest. I think the custom went out of style in the early 60s. I had a small chest that I collected some things in, mostly kitchenware. And some fancy potholders my grandmother made, and dish towels from both of my grandmothers. I never married but still use some of the items.
Yes that sounds about right! I’m glad you’re still using some of your items – mine are still going strong as well!
I think my family was too transient to have hope chests, but I remember my grandmother teaching me how to tat when I was very young. She used to make antimacassars. Unfortunately I have forgotten how to do all those fancy stitches. I also had some Depression glassware from my grandmother, and luckily I have a niece who loves vintage stuff, so I gave it to her as an engagement gift.
I’m sure she was thrilled Karin! I’d love to try tatting some time, it sounds like fun!
My aunt had a hope chest, but I never did. And we got married so quickly – a Christmas whim – that I didn’t have time to accumulate anything in advance. I didn’t ask for good China because I knew one day I would inherit my grandmother‘s China from mother; so I have an eight Piece Pl. setting of China that my grandmother hand painted in 1926. There were 12 place, but my aunt wanted two other nieces and nephews to have a place setting since their grandmother made it. And I have mother silver that my father bought for her as well as her crystal that her mother gave her. Even if we don’t dine in our home on holidays, I pack up four play Settings settings to take to my sons for our Christmas or Easter dinners. We bought every day China when we first got married and I think I’ve been through four or five sets of that.! I keep meaning to switch out my kitchen cabinets and use my second best China as every day China since we are getting up there in years. When I first got married 53 years ago, I got a pair of pillowcases. My friend had crocheted lays on; when the pill cases wore out, I cut off the crochet material to keep. My great aunt gave me linen towels because her mother said every woman should have good towels.
Since Covid and that confinement, I try to dress up every time I leave the house – a pretty outfit, my jewelry and my hair done – because life is too short not to wear pretty things if you have them, right? Plus you never know who you’re going to run into! My only gripe about getting older is that I can’t wear those pretty heels that I wore in the 70s, 80s, & 90s..
It sounds as though you got your hope chest in retrospect Reno and all the items were lovely! I kind of wish I hadn’t asked for a set of china when I got married because I ended up inheriting my grandmother’s (which is nicer to be honest) so I’ve now got two dinner services and usually only one gets used. Maybe I should start to use one for everyday – like you said life is too short! I love the fact that you dress up to go out too – lovely!