Thanks so much for telling us about Esther Diamond's latest adventure, Laura! As you know from previous visits, it's our custom to give virtual gifts to our honored guests.
Since Vamparazzi is a vampire novel for those who don't like vampires, I thought that a suitable gift would be Apotropaics to dispatch any vampires who might appear because they want to convince you that they're real, even if they're not seductive and witty.
This Carpathian Beechwood Stake from Vlad the Impaler's homeland is resistant to shock and is dense enough to burn for a long time.
At 8-9" long, it can be worn on a thong around your neck, ready to hand should it be needed, or useful for burning in your fireplace should the power go off. And being virtual, it takes no space and requires no dusting. Enjoy!