Merry New Year!

A-elf Wench Pat virtually here (I'm actually still in Hawaii–aloha!) We thought you might enjoy a truly awful word treat with which to start the new year.These have been floating around the Internet without copyright identity, so my apologies if I'm infringing. I will be happy to add attributes if someone dares admit to creating them!

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned outto be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. A-mouse

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

A-ornament 9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep Off TheGrass.'

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When is grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. A-wreath

18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

20. A backward poet writes inverse.

21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

23. Don't join dangerous cults; Practice safe sects!

55 thoughts on “Merry New Year!”

  1. Love ’em! Back in the dark ages of the 1950’s we had Confucious Says jokes.. #10 was one of those. You just have to leave the “s” off “flies”.
    Horribly un-pc, I know. But still funny.
    Thanks for the memories.

    Reply
  2. Love ’em! Back in the dark ages of the 1950’s we had Confucious Says jokes.. #10 was one of those. You just have to leave the “s” off “flies”.
    Horribly un-pc, I know. But still funny.
    Thanks for the memories.

    Reply
  3. Love ’em! Back in the dark ages of the 1950’s we had Confucious Says jokes.. #10 was one of those. You just have to leave the “s” off “flies”.
    Horribly un-pc, I know. But still funny.
    Thanks for the memories.

    Reply
  4. Love ’em! Back in the dark ages of the 1950’s we had Confucious Says jokes.. #10 was one of those. You just have to leave the “s” off “flies”.
    Horribly un-pc, I know. But still funny.
    Thanks for the memories.

    Reply
  5. Love ’em! Back in the dark ages of the 1950’s we had Confucious Says jokes.. #10 was one of those. You just have to leave the “s” off “flies”.
    Horribly un-pc, I know. But still funny.
    Thanks for the memories.

    Reply
  6. Hah! Cruel and unusual PUNishment, Ms Pat!
    What do you call 3 ducks standing on a piece of cheese?
    Cheese and quackers… 😉
    And what do you call the tunes lumberjacks dance to?
    Logarithms.
    And does anyone know the names of the little rivers that run into the Nile?
    The juveniles…
    I could go on, but I won’t…

    Reply
  7. Hah! Cruel and unusual PUNishment, Ms Pat!
    What do you call 3 ducks standing on a piece of cheese?
    Cheese and quackers… 😉
    And what do you call the tunes lumberjacks dance to?
    Logarithms.
    And does anyone know the names of the little rivers that run into the Nile?
    The juveniles…
    I could go on, but I won’t…

    Reply
  8. Hah! Cruel and unusual PUNishment, Ms Pat!
    What do you call 3 ducks standing on a piece of cheese?
    Cheese and quackers… 😉
    And what do you call the tunes lumberjacks dance to?
    Logarithms.
    And does anyone know the names of the little rivers that run into the Nile?
    The juveniles…
    I could go on, but I won’t…

    Reply
  9. Hah! Cruel and unusual PUNishment, Ms Pat!
    What do you call 3 ducks standing on a piece of cheese?
    Cheese and quackers… 😉
    And what do you call the tunes lumberjacks dance to?
    Logarithms.
    And does anyone know the names of the little rivers that run into the Nile?
    The juveniles…
    I could go on, but I won’t…

    Reply
  10. Hah! Cruel and unusual PUNishment, Ms Pat!
    What do you call 3 ducks standing on a piece of cheese?
    Cheese and quackers… 😉
    And what do you call the tunes lumberjacks dance to?
    Logarithms.
    And does anyone know the names of the little rivers that run into the Nile?
    The juveniles…
    I could go on, but I won’t…

    Reply
  11. LOL, glad everyone had a fun time with the puns! And Anne, you are Too Bad and due an upbraiding. (I really shouldn’t read Sherrie’s Regencyisms at this hour…)
    I’m home and back at work, so everyone else better have their noses to the grindstones too!

    Reply
  12. LOL, glad everyone had a fun time with the puns! And Anne, you are Too Bad and due an upbraiding. (I really shouldn’t read Sherrie’s Regencyisms at this hour…)
    I’m home and back at work, so everyone else better have their noses to the grindstones too!

    Reply
  13. LOL, glad everyone had a fun time with the puns! And Anne, you are Too Bad and due an upbraiding. (I really shouldn’t read Sherrie’s Regencyisms at this hour…)
    I’m home and back at work, so everyone else better have their noses to the grindstones too!

    Reply
  14. LOL, glad everyone had a fun time with the puns! And Anne, you are Too Bad and due an upbraiding. (I really shouldn’t read Sherrie’s Regencyisms at this hour…)
    I’m home and back at work, so everyone else better have their noses to the grindstones too!

    Reply
  15. LOL, glad everyone had a fun time with the puns! And Anne, you are Too Bad and due an upbraiding. (I really shouldn’t read Sherrie’s Regencyisms at this hour…)
    I’m home and back at work, so everyone else better have their noses to the grindstones too!

    Reply

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