Pat here: Our Ask A Wench day fell on Valentine’s Day this year, so it seems only fitting to ask: For some, Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of the year. What do you think? What do you find romantic?”
Christina. For me, Valentine’s Day was a source of much angst when I was a teenager. At my high school students could order a rose anonymously beforehand to be delivered to the person they liked on the day. You could either be bold and sign it with your name (you got to write the label yourself) or you could leave a cryptic message so the recipient had to guess who it was from. Some of my friends kindly bought me flowers so I wouldn’t be one of the poor people who didn’t get anything (and I did the same for them), but I never received one from any of the guys I was crushing on. A terrible blow to a teenage girl’s self-esteem!
Nowadays my husband and I exchange cards and maybe a box of favourite chocolates, but we’re not big on celebrating Valentine’s. For me, truly romantic gestures are more spontaneous and shouldn’t be dictated by what day it is (or card manufacturers). An unexpected bouquet of flowers, a small gift, a dinner date – those would mean more to me. Romance should never be forced!
Anne: Anne here. Growing up in Australia, Valentine’s Day was never a thing anyone celebrated as far as I know. (It might have been different in the city.) It came to us eventually, I think, like Trick or Treating, via US TV shows. These days the florists overflow with scentless but otherwise perfect red roses, and restaurants offer romantic dinners at discount prices and on it goes. I’m not a fan. For me romance is an ongoing thing, and romantic gestures spontaneous and unrelated to the calendar.
My dad was very romantic and I’d often see him come into the kitchen where Mum was preparing a meal with the radio on, and he’d sweep her into an impromptu dance, and she’d be laughing and it always seemed very romantic to me. Another romantic gesture was when a brother-in-law got home from his hot, physically tiring job, found my sister almost in tears coping with two fractious toddlers. He swept the kids up, took them to the beach, then brought them home, fed them and bathed them and put them to bed, while my sister recovered her calm. Then the two of them would have a quiet dinner together. Not a rose in sight, but very romantic.
According to my calendar, February 14th is also Library Lovers Day, and that I am very willing to celebrate. Libraries, especially in small country towns where I lived growing up, kept my imagination fed with endless good stories and I’m sure they helped me become the writer I am today. These days, especially in some places, librarians are under huge pressure from funding cuts, censorship and other difficulties. Librarians are heroes.
Nicola. I got engaged on Valentine’s Day (38 years ago this year!) so from that point of view it will always have a special place in my heart. Back in those days it was quite a low-key occasion and not the bright pink romance-fest it is now. It makes me a bit sad that it has become so commercialised as love and romance should feel genuine and sincere, but hopefully beneath all the special offers on chocolates and roses there is still the real thing. Poor old St Valentine would probably be astounded to know that he is the patron saint of love (as well as bee-keepers) as it was apparently Geoffrey Chaucer in the 14th century who invented the whole ideas of associating his saint’s day with courtly love.
For me, romance consists in being thoughtful towards your partner on an ongoing basis not just on one day a year. We exchange cards on Valentine’s Day and cook ourselves a nice meal, but I’d be sad if it felt like a box-ticking exercise on one day only. The love that has kept me going has been the kindness, the shared humour, the little thoughtful gestures, and the support through the big things. That said, there’s no harm in adding in a special celebration on Valentine’s Day if you feel like it!
Andrea: The idea of a day to celebrate Love may have had its heart in the right place way back when, but these days I find all the crass commercialization surrounding February 14th anything but romantic. Aisles of cellophane-wrapped roses, crowded restaurants overcharging for a “special” table . . . no thank you. For me, the romantic moments are the little unexpected ones . . . like having a small hand-painted, heart-shaped rock slipped into my hand for no other reason than to make me smile. Romance is also getting a hug when I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed—that moment of warmth and connection melts away all angst and always reminds me of what really matters. . . . That said, I admit that my heart is yours if you offer me chocolate!
Mary Jo: I’ve never had a lot of energy on Valentine’s Day being a big romantic occasion; like Ground Hog Day, it’s mildly amusing but not worth a major effort. We’ll have a nice dinner, sometime with friends, and the Mayhem Consultant will send me roses, but not actually on Valentine’s Day because he likes to surprise me. (And he does–I’m always surprised because my mind was in a book!)
I do have one rather sweet Valentine’s story. We have lots and lots of stuffed bears and sheep and other critters, and they always end up pairing off because this is a romantic house. Dark Bear is one of the oldest bears, and he’s bonded to sweet Koalie. They’re a very cute couple. But several years back the Mayhem Consultant took Koalie on a business trip because she was a piece of home–and he left her in the hotel! Great was the wailing and weeping when it was realized that she was missing.
But like all good romances, there’s a happy ending: the nice Chicago hotel sent her home–and Koalie arrived here on Valentine’s Day!
Susan: Valentines are lovely and fun, but in our house it’s a low-key day. When the kids were younger it was a bigger deal. Years ago, the crazy pandemonium of helping three kids get their cards and treats ready for the classroom pretty much defined the holiday. I always loved the darling little artsy things the kids produced – I still have the little painted wooden hearts and clay flower pots that each of my boys made. The romantic side of Valentine’s Day has never been a big deal 
here either – I’m happy with some chocolate; flowers or a gift are a nice bonus if they appear. I’m not fussy and neither is he.
Pat: I get to claim Valentine’s Day is the most romantic day of MY year—because it’s my wedding
anniversary. We are two very practical people and decided it made sense to celebrate love and marriage on the same day (incidentally limiting the number of gifts to be bought). We were poor in those early years but always managed fancy cards with handwritten love notes. In later years, I’d receive enormous rose bouquets because February was horribly gray in the Midwest and I needed flowers to survive. And now that we’re in sunny SoCal, we go to wonderfully romantic restaurants for wine, roses, good food, and music as a celebration of decades of love.
Having someone—even a pet—to love all year ‘round is far more important than a day manufactured by card companies, so give your loved ones a hug anytime you like!
So, what do you think? To Valentine or to Not Valentine?
Like you, Anne, I don’t remember Valentine’s day being a thing in Australia in the sixties, but it was definitely a thing when I arrived in Guam in the early seventies.
Mary Jo, I enjoyed hearing how the Mayhem Consultant took Koalie on his business trip and was glad to hear she made it home. When my husband went on business trips, I would tuck a little note in his socks so that he’d be sure to get a little love every day. I’d hide a few other notes in random places. Sometimes a note would be found once he was home!
Christina, I agree that love should never be forced.
And, Susan, I like your sentiment that ‘love is important to acknowledge and can be expressed in the smallest ways.’
Happy 38th anniversary of your engagement, Nicola.
I’d be happy to win your heart with a piece of chocolate, Andrea, if you lived a little closer.
Pat, I wish you and your husband a very happy anniversary!
My husband beat the rush and brought home a beautiful bouquet of flowers a few days ago. We have cards and some gifts waiting for the 14th, and I suspect that chocolate is in my future. I wish you all a happy Valentine’s day!
Have a fabulously happy chocolate and roses day!
My husband and I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but then again we don’t celebrate our anniversary either. It’s just that we’re bad with remembering dates, so sometimes it passes by without either of us realizing-other times we recall and marvel at how many years it’s been. But I do have an annual ritual of going to a few drugstores to see if I can find chocolate on sale after February 14th!
I do have memories of the Valentine’s Day cards we made in elementary school, using red construction paper and white paper doilies. These were typically exchanged with everyone in the class, no favoritism.
and Halloween and Easter candy! Amazing how much cheaper they are the day after. I wholly recommend this policy!
Oh, Karin, I remember grade school Vantetine’s Day of making cards with red construction paper and white doilies, too!
When we were young my Mom used to make Valentine’s Day cookies – the size of a dinner plate and when we went away to school – she would mail them to us. A plain cookie with pink icing and sometimes shredded coconut. Every once in a while I think about making the cookies and sending them to my 2 brothers and my sister – but I’m a great procrastinator – so maybe next year!
oh, what a lovely, yummy, thought! There are all kinds of online services these days for ordering cookies….
Valentine’s Daybhas never occupied center stage in my life. We did cards-my father would give extravagantly mushy cards to my mother. I will admit to yielding to commercialism today and having a strong desire for chocolate caramels or See’s truffles. But I really love what Pat said: “Having someone—even a pet—to love all year ‘round is far more important than a day manufactured by capanies.” Reckon I’ll close with Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all.
Binnie, you spread the love every day. Hugs and happy Valentines to you!
I don’t have a valentine – but that’s OK, on Groundhog day I didn’t have a groundhog either.
In school I loved the boxes of valentines. It made me feel as though I were special. Of course everyone else wanted that same feeling.
I am not a huge fan of roses that don’t have any scent. Shoot fire, even marigolds have a scent….not a good one but they have one.
To all of you, remember you are well loved by me.
Happy Valentine’s day to you, Annette, and to all. Your groundhog remark made me laugh!
LOL on the groundhog! And I agree on florist’s roses, one of the reasons I persuade IT Guy not to buy them anymore. I have bushes of wonderfully fragrant roses in the yard, and there’s even several blooming right now.
You have us for your Valentines! We love our readers. Where would we be without you? Think about it…
Annette, here’s a Valentine hug and virtual chocolate for you! It’s always a pleasure to see you here.
Mary Jo
Annette, you have all of the Wenches as your Valentines! And we’re sending you cyber-hugs—and of course, cyber chocolate!!
🌹
To all …. nuf said!
thank you
And the same to you, Quantum!
Mary Jo
Oh . . . fluttery sigh!
Thank you!
Thanks, Quantum. BTW could you check your spam trap? I sent you something a week or so ago.
We do the card thing here and I got flowers but mainly because my husband is a romantic and I’m afraid I’m not! I’m not great at talking about feelings and so on. My way of showing I care is caring for him and the home and making nice dinners and things like that. I guess we all have our own ways. Hope everyone enjoys whatever is special to them on this day!!
I think, for some of us, romance books are a way of experiencing our feelings without actually, you know, saying them.
My husband is basically homebound after back surgery gone wrong 3 years ago. He is unable to drive since he has little strength in his right foot and is mobility challenged. He gave me a beautiful bouquet this year make up of red roses, stargazer lilies and little purple flowers . Since he is mainly house bound, he used his tablet, looked up a bouquet that he liked on a couple of flower delivery sites then called a local florist and asked if they could replicate it. Sneaky but very sweet. He is resourceful. Someone told me that he is a keeper, I would say after almost 57 years, I would say so.When we first married for our anniversary he would give me a rose for each year we were married until he reached a dozen. we met in a very romantic college night school calculus class and dated only 2 weeks before he proposed. He said he went to study figures but ended up studying the wrong kind.
this is such a lovely, heart-warming story! Brilliant on asking the local florist to duplicate a bouquet, but anyone who proposes after a calculus class has to be brilliant!
Jan, it sounds as though you and your husband both made fine choices with your life partners. And I do like the way he managed to procure a lovely bouquet for you!
Jan, How wonderfully clever and resourceful your husband was to create such a lovely bouquet. And what a fun story about how you met. Sounds like the two of you added up to be a perfect match!
My husband isn’t one for romantic gestures on Valentine’s Day, or any other day for that matter. He always says that actions speak louder than words to express his caring for me, whether it be taking care of the needs of my car, fixing a leaky faucet, or trotting up and down to the basement on errands for me. There was one Valentine’s Day exception. One year when Valentine’s Day fell on a Friday, hubby bought a carnation from one of the students at the school where he taught, as the students were selling the flowers as a fundraiser. Sadly, he forgot the flower at school. He did bring me the wilted flower on Monday, however!
Thanks for the chuckle, Patricia! Enjoy the day.